About Mac and Cheese @ On the Cat Couch in Husband’s Office

I don’t normally sit where David is working but he is on a new project and it brings me some sort of comfort to hear him talk about this “custom widget” he is “building for the sidebar” and the way he is pointing stories. Yesterday, I asked him about their pointing while he ate this bomb ass quiche I made. Life is, as they say, a balancing act. And balancing messing around in the kitchen with sounding smart works well for me.

Not that I miss miss tech talk – I just like it. I like being his sounding board. I think it is cute that God prepped me for a developer husband with 8 years of business analyst and product owning experience.

I started a folder on my Google Drive yesterday titled “million dollar ideas” and started setting up docs with requirements for some fun apps. Someday, you will download an app that is our little love child. Lord knows we aren’t having anymore actual children; we might as well make music and apps.

What I am I doing today? Thanks for asking. Let me share…

So, today, I am setting out on a project I have been thinking about for about 4 days: crockpot macaroni and cheese. SEXY RIGHT?!?

There is a genuine risk in this.

The risk is that the children love the homemade macaroni and cheese and I have cast my destiny to making a weekly batch of pasta that involves shredding 16 ounces of cheese when the organic Aldi’s brand was fine.

The reward is that the children love the homemade macaroni and cheese and I get it to add it to the list of things they like best when I make them.

Go me.

Spoiler: the love language I respond best to receiving is “words of affirmation”. :)

At this point, I have now consulted about 4 different recipes for the macaroni and cheese. I have evaporated milk. I have cheddar cheese – sharp, top shelf – cheese. I have a decision to make about amounts of milk and number of eggs. And I have a decision to make on whether I am going to let the crockpot melt and blend or if I want to do that first.

There is a mounting amount of pressure to think this through – namely because, in the creative process of cooking, if you have good taste buds – you can’t go wrong if you just think about it step by step.

But, to my earlier point: worst case scenario is they just say “hey, mom / Erin, go with the store bought brand” and I’m off the hook.

Wish me luck. I’ll let you know how it goes. I never did find out “why five”, by the way. Still paying attention though.

The End of the Full Circle aka The Actual End to the Last Blog Post

In my last post about this morning’s devotional time, I started off on this thought trail regarding Paul and my take that “I wonder if Paul knew I would be reading this…” Then I got into telling you about my patience and forgiveness scriptural math, ended that loop and hit publish.

Read it after publishing (which is my process… it means things don’t make sense sometimes… deal with it :) ) and realized I didn’t explain why I felt further sure of why keeping that seemingly juvenile thought was actually on point.

So the words I got in my quiet time were Titus… 3….6….9…etc anyway – 15 was one of them and, as I read it, I felt absolutely full sure and confident. Here’s the verse. Let’s see if you can guess why I loved it:

“Everyone with me sends you greetings” Titus 3:15

Again, I wondered, what if Paul was proof reading his letter (a lesson I may consider incorporating proof reading blog posts, but whatever) and the folks with him were like “yes! I love that! what a great letter.. SEND OUR GREETINGS” and what if they INTENDED on this being a life long letter? What if they knew that – in speaking to the human condition then that they were speaking to the human condition ongoing?

And just like that, I felt like this connection to this group of people somewhere in time just like… saying what’s up to me.

I find it really supportive and it feels super real. The end.

Hashtag full circle.

Why Five? @ Basement Study, doing the thing

Yesterday, I wrote a little post about my morning and in it I referenced Paul writing to the Corinthians and suggesting this idea of “wonder if Paul knew I would be reading it on the first of March…” When I wrote it, it felt a little trite. Like something I would have written in a grade school autobiography.

(PS – I thought that because it is quite literally something I would have written in a grade school auto biography)

But I kept it in the post bc not only am I doing VERY little editing but it felt right. And, today, I am further convinced of something as to why it feels write. I mean right.

So, I did the same thing as yesterday – “got to work by 9” (this time with a little spare time to make an egg and toast for me and the man vs. yesterday’s plate of fruit. go me.) I did my brain dump, made my daily goals and lit some incense, thanked the divine for what felt like a massive spike of patience and kindness in my heart (I did not forcefully put a single dish in the dishwasher! Which is my petty little outlet for fatigue and self pity!) and anyway I did talk out loud to the supernatural world about some things on my heart.

Though I didn’t forcefully put a dish in the dishwasher, I was *really* tired and I got quiet. I would like to ultimately level up to like singing maybe? That might be buddha level, but we shall see. I just want to be softer and more gradual. Feels like, smells like, more patience.

Anyway. I sat with my whiteboard and blue marker and wrote the words that came to me. “fill my cup”… “patience”… “warmth sun forgiveness”… “Titus” (weird, I thought) and then the numbers 3… 6… 9… 15… 12… 13… 14… 67 (quite a jump) and then F I V E with an underline.

So why five like that. (and just like that… the Google timer for 5 minutes – the time I took to write thus far – goes off.)

Surely that was not why. I am mid thought… Plus I was feeling rushed. Not really an enjoyable writing experience although I do think I have done quite nice work on my punctuation and grammar.

<sighs>

<slows down>

I traced “fill my cup” to scripture and found this passage where Jesus basically says to a bunch of guys “you stupid idiots, you gotta wash the inside of your cup first. obvi.> The idiots had washed the outside of their cup but, missed the “greed and self indulgence” that was crusted nasty on the inside of the cup.

Convicted.

So I went on… traced “patience” to scripture.. Ah, good old Proverbs. “listen to advice and accept instruction and you will gain wisdom” + “from wisdom comes patience” = listen to advice, Erin and you’ll gain patience.

If the advice I got was to clean the inside of my cup and the promise was that in doing so, I’ll receive more patience, then how do I clean the inside of my cup?

“Warmth… Sun… Forgiveness”

I sat with it. I searched my photos for “sun” and got these wonderful pictures:

the sun beyond dolphins at Bonita Beach, FL…. the sun behind Lucy playing cornhole in Lake Tahoe… the sun breaking through trees on a Christmas Day hike, on a hike in Oregon, on a walk in my neighborhood… then there was the sun up between buildings in Washington DC, out in the country where I was walking my dog (RIP Ranger) off leash, ohhhhhh the sun aligned perfectly on Cannon Beach, above mountains in North Carolina… and then, my favorite sun of all – in the gardens in Ojai (pictured below).

I sat in my basement study feeling the warmth of the sun in a space with no window. I remembered that scripture about the faithfulness of the rising sun. You can bet it will happen… time and time again. And with that, came a wash of forgiveness that comes when you are acutely self aware of where you want just a little knick of support; a little tweak in the mental game.

And though I still don’t know “why five”, I do feel certain that I am headed into the rest of my day with my head screwed on mostly straight.

Going back to Ojai will be for sure one of the first three post pandemic trips I make. I absolutely cannot wait to show David.