On Creative Commitment

There have been a lot of sparks in my creative life – which seems promising and good. Yet, the way the landscape of my creative life looks has me curious for opportunity, wondering what is the right thing to spend my time on and curious – always – if “this is really going to work”.

I mentioned in a recent post about the comfort of talking about Spirit. Both @laughwithspirit and Fawn bring this comfortable reference to Spirit that serves my heart well – it feels like home right now more than any other word for God. But it is not complete. And I have been wrestling with that….

My friend Milta shared a post with me about the name of God, “Yahweh” and how the vowels were added for us to be able to pronounce however the name itself is “YH” and “WH”, which (get excited, yogis) are the sounds of breath… this idea of every inhale and exhale being the name of God is very powerful. And feeds what I teach in my Monday Night – prayer based yoga – where the sounds we make, as we exist as we move as we breathe – are the sounds from which the Spirit intercedes on our behalf. (Romans 8:26-27)

No more thinking about what to pray for, sigh – breathe – out from your shoulders and hips, etc.

This morning I started day three of a practice using graph paper to plot, note how I am doing in my healing journey and sit with the energy of the things before me: meetings with bookstores and arts organizations, serving my community, feeding my family, organizing big piles of shit somewhere, etc…

In this practice, I flip open scripture… First day was a fan favorite “Keep the heart with diligence” (Proverb 4:23), day two was a reminder that depression and anxiety settle in with an absence of the Spirit of God (thank you, 1 Samuel). Day two’s had me thinking – how do I nourish, invite, how do I charge and restore that spiritual alignment I long for – that feeling that makes me write? That makes me move?

How do I get back to times that have me soaking in hot water for 15 minutes to recharge my bones in between hosting family and leading workshops. I miss being used by God in that way, I guess.

Today’s practice flipped open to Haggai – never have read Haggai, tbh – and right away, I see this prophet as a prophet speaking to creatives, to the starving artists out there. The premise of the book is pretty simple: the temple was in ruins and the “Lord of hosts” (which translates as the Lord of angels, of stars – love it) is like “Hey, people, I see your houses look good and I hear you complaining that there is not more fruit in your life and let me just point out real quick that it’s because I don’t have a house and you aren’t giving me a place to dwell and so why don’t you go ahead and help a God out for a minute – build that temple – so that I can dwell and restore you.”

I sat in my bed with my graph paper, remembering my dad’s teaching to me of the Holy Spirit: the Holy Spirit is the God in you.

The Holy Spirit is the God in you.

Spirit – the Lord of Hosts – the breath of heaven – the patterns of nature – the stars and the sky, the oceans and the whales – exists with or without us. But believers in God, the believers in Spirit, we are the temples of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit exists because we do and bears the fruit of goodness, joy, love… of peace, patience and kindness… gentleness…. self control… faithfulness.

This practice in Haggai has me thinking about my own obedience in my creative life.

Today, I consider what needs to be built (written, drawn, etc) in commitment as a person within whom glory can dwell.

I intend on looking at my projects and really listening for the art that has been stirred… (“ur” in Hebrew… Haggai 1:14… as in how a eagle stirs up its nest or an instrument is stirred awake when it is tuned.)

I share all this for my artists out there – for my creatives out there – who may be feeling the starving artist part of life.

Or for the healers, lovers, mothers and friends out there – who may be feeling empty regardless of all the cups they fill in front of them.

I ask us – are we caring for our bodies / our personhood as a temple the Lord of the stars is eager to call home?

Are the molds we make in our art, in our relationships – are they made in a commitment for the Spirit to move within and throughout?

It is obvious, at least to me, the world needs us to be committed to seeing our making in this way.

For me, this surely has been a helpful reflection – nourishing and encouraging.

Happy Friday. (Happy Lunar Eclipse in Scorpio if that is your thing. )

<inahle> YH

<exhale> WH


PS: None of this Biblical study could be done this fast and effectively without my Spirit Life Bible and I cannot stress enough, if you need a good Bible, this is one will be your jam – all of the content was written by leaders from all denominations.

From my fire last week, I burned the dozens of colorful flowers given to my daughter as I prayed for her on the day after her 18th birthday.

Soli Deo Gloria – Where is the stone? 

Where is the stone? 

An Easter Reflection from a woman without a church. 

As I made my way through my home this morning, the quiet of the neighborhood streets allowing the birds their sweet morning – the light of spring, the shift in the green, the more fullness of the irises and the tulips and the early hostas… beginning of milkweed… the question of what survived 2022 arrived. The year I stopped gardening after one weekend of planting. I didn’t water. I didn’t try.

And now in the current year? 

Now I am curious. 

In Palm Springs, I began to study Feng Shui for the outside of the home… How to use the elements, the directions, the idea of protection and allowance – invitation and slowness – to gather good energy for the inside of the home & those who dwell within it. 

So my time outside runs along key areas. Always walking – shifting – lining up – considering. I’m into it. And the time already is serving me in both the feeling of accomplishment (why I started gardening to begin with) and the new found feeling of maturity – freedom – and how those both things together calm you down. 

My last round in the garden brought me down to my native plant plot… to a closer look to see… and I noticed in my shuffling through the dirt and the dead, I moved a stone. I saw a stone had moved. And it brought to awareness a ricochet of not just all the other stones I had moved about in my morning time outside today, but to the fact today is Easter. A memorial holiday of one key stone having been moved away. 

I stood up in the green yard in front of my home, I took in the sunshine – again the perfect calm – and the creative energy within me stirred me to write. 

I listened to the birds. 

I came in and made a meal. 

And now, I finish this post before I head back out to see about a fire. 

<deep breath in>

Here I am – in 2023, with the rest of my life in front of me. A husband and two dogs in my home with the back door open, the smell of popcorn & sound of Premier League next to the dishwasher, the rearranged family photos next to the things placed in my home as prayers, for our future – for my family – for our earth. 

Our stars. 

And all the things in it. 


Easter is about life. And not as in the whole “a life worth living” thing, at least – for me…

Life are blues (like the perfect blue) and greens. 

Air and water, warmth and change. 

Heat and transformation. 

And being an Easter Person? 

Is about being alive in life.

On that note… a big glass of water and the perfect sunshine await. 

How is Easter showing you new?

How are you feeling?

May the sun radiate hope and warmth for you.

  • aerial view of native plant plot
  • Aerial view of a full sun bed
  • A woman and her dog adventure in Boone's County
  • Because you only live once

And then Spirit sent Fawn

Back in March, when I was soaking in a hot tub in Palm Springs – I met LaRissa, a woman one month my senior (to the exact date, if I remember correctly) and we connected on all things spiritual. The desert mountains were snow capped, I was at ease – we ended up having a conversation not in the hot tub & over oat milk lattes before she left to go back to CO and it was for sure we were friends. Even now, knowing I want to give her a call today – I feel this complete recognition that she is meant to be a friend in this season of my life.

This season of my life…

I overwhelm myself sometimes with how much I have going at once. Constantly having to assess and say “is this aligned”, “is this life giving”, “does this feel energized and expansive”… Yet this season of my life is showing buds and starting to reveal what this next harvest of fruit might look like. That sentence reminds me of a project that came up for attention last night, a little draft I started, and the feeling of excitement I get when I want to share it with somebody – even if prematurely.

When I say “reminds me of a project that came up for attention”, I mean exactly that: I am laying in bed, I am attempting to sleep and then an idea comes up and I will just lay there and explore it in my mind. I will see it and watch it and (most importantly) feel it and some to dos, some action items, will trickle out of the time. Sometimes getting me out of bed completely…

Yesterday I had coffee with Fawn, a woman about 20 years my senior which is always a nice welcome reprieve for my psyche. I love to hear myself talk but when I am with women my senior, the fact they have a decade or more on me prompts me to listen – intently – for clues, or “crumbs” as Fawn calls them.

Fawn and I have an interesting history that starts with me picking up a black London Fog trench coat at a swap night about 6 years ago. OH MAN was I excited for the find. It was one of her contributions to the swap. That’s when I first learned her name. Since then, we cross paths at the studio and – in Feb – we got to talking about hospice. You may remember I wrote a life speech / eulogy for my friend Nancy last year and – ever since then – I have been longing to do more of those. The proximity to a person’s worldview in the later stages of their life is – again as Fawn would call it – a blessing. A humbling, fascinating blessing…

She would know because she was in fact a hospice nurse for 28 years and has written a collection of her stories. We agreed to exchange books and I took hers with me to Palm Springs. I was reading it when I met LaRissa…

Total transparency: the role of self publishing in regards to creating and marketing – the bones and the business – at the same time is challenging for me. I want help but I don’t know how to ask for it that well. I get things to states of completion and then it’s like “ok what can I communicate consistently” and before I know it, the book has been on Amazon for three months and I still don’t have a single review. Because, again, I haven’t asked. My friend Dana reminded me at lunch a month ago “your friends want to help you – we want to support you” and even now hearing that in her voice brings tears up because – well – it’s time for me to figure out how to ask for that if I want to continue pursuing life as a full time artist.

Back to Fawn. So – that whole which project wakes me up thing evolved over coffee with Fawn who, in her fluid centered sense asked me, “So when Spirit tells you what to work on…”

So when Spirit…

Spirit. :)

(Side note, @laughwithspirit is my Colorado hot tub friend’s IG handle…. and here is her website)

In my therapy these past couple of weeks, I have had major breakthroughs in regards to an understanding of capital S Self and how operating from courage, confidence and creativity isn’t a request you have to make and wait for that place to arrive – it’s you. All the time. Who you are. I told Fawn the fact I am relearning a lot of this sometimes makes me feel like what am I doing teaching yoga and she reminded me something along the lines of “yes – but to be a teacher don’t you have to be a student”. Oh gosh. The way Spirit works…

Fawn’s question reminded me that I get to partner with Spirit, not just sit around and wait. That Spirit – the Spirit that wrote A Christmas Tree Story from beginning to end – the Spirit that created the hippo and the vines of Words that Rhyme and Lullabies – the Spirit that stirs the magic of the Apple Tree… I get to connect each morning rather than wait around each night.

I get to inquire: what do we do today, Spirit? And feel the energy of that blessing.

So, today we are designing the Facebook cover event for a reading next Saturday.

We are going to start on animation for three digital shorts that have audio… ya know – audio I recorded professionally in Palm Springs.

Because I am an artist.

I am an artist.

I am an artist.

And God help me Lord, I am getting things done.

PS Here is Fawn’s book! (Through my affiliate link, of course)