Fan of My Life

I am a fan of my life. I realized this today, as I stood in my backyard – thinking about my husband – and smiling, I am such a huge fan of his.

Everything that is hard about my life is actually the challenge of the good. The realized dreams encouraging next round dreams. The next round dreams offering the last round’s fears. The Dalai Lama wrote something in this years planner about using fear to remember a part of your story and then offer that story up to the present. I didn’t totally get it, but I have been working at it a little mentally.

Like, for starters – simply asking myself what it is that I am afraid of…

Recent answers are things like: losing control, getting ahead of myself, being too much for people and seeming dishonest.

To a certain extent, I am afraid of failure but find that simply goes away by realizing my inner success. Little wins like a perfect chicken ceasar salad and well trained dogs help me with larger concepts like “what if I don’t win a Grammy for this” or “what if I am not doing an Oscar acceptance when I’m 80”. The fun thing about it is, those questions’ opposites are visions for what I will wear and how I will thank my most loved and cherished people in my life, how I will share my belief in God and in wisdom and in what I feel is the path to true loving humanity, a truly kind world. My cultural references make me a part of culture, and this – this is humbling, exciting – and makes my fingers type fast.

But I am just sitting here. Having my smoothie and a break outside with the dog toddlers. Which, if you are tracking with that whole story, at 8 months old and four dog park visits in, I see dominance emerging. And I see themes. I see patience as a virtue.

Patience. And the success of a simple life surpasses the success of the world.

Patience. And the love of a puppy dog fills the void in the bank.

Patience. And the attention of your children, the favor of your husband ceases all worries.

Patience. And movie nights, bonfires and s’mores become every day’s luxury vacation. (It helps to have a bottle of a favorite hotel lotion, if I may…)

I am a fan of my life. I am a fan of my family. Aiming success within my heart beat’s reach; more practical to my immediate corner of the world than with American ambition.

And…. on that note, I am going to finish my smoothie, arrange my plants… write a yoga class… and get back to work on my book.

BTW. Special Editions are going to be out this Thanksgiving. Guys. Comment if you want one. LOVE. and Thank you.

About the Oneness of Mankind: Part Two

I was folding up my load of laundry and switching a comforter into the dryer when I thought of this post. Fluidity, fluidity, fluidity..

In yoga, “sthira and sukha” are the essentials that remind us that if we start feeling friction, heat, challenge, find joy – ease – breathe. If we start feeling really loose, really comfortable, look for challenge – take a leg up – add something into the fold.

One of the most interesting parts of my self-discovery over the past 9-ish months (about this time last year, I was entering into official discernment about retiring from corporate life), is that I am in fact quite flighty. I do a million things at a time. I… just do.

I have shared here on the blog before how the ideas for Apple… for Google… for Disney… for General Mills… for you name it come daily. And I know now that it is really not about picking a path in terms of career or product certification or getting the best job with the best benefits and the best flexibility and the healthiest, safest environment. Picking a path for an idea person means: how do I express my ideas daily.

Twitter

YouTube

LinkedIn

Frozen Spaghetti.

Instagram.

Being out in the world. Gathering stories. Telling the stories.

In my experience working on my books, and feeling the limitless source of creativity, I have gotten to know this thing that I get to know as an artist: that I can sit at my desk and wait.

If I don’t sit and wait, I can walk and wait.

If I don’t walk and wait, I can cook and wait.

If not that, I can sleep and wake. Sometimes clean and wait.

And – eventually – the idea will be like “hey! ready!” and then I go light the candle and show thanks for the gift then outpours some illustration or poem or two pieces that fit together and I smile like “I could have never thought of that but I thought of that!” or “I knew I would eventually think of that but never did I think it would have been that!”

“HOW COOL”

I often mutter “HOW COOL” at our studio desk in our home with all the screens and the markers and the whiteboards.

Sometimes I chuckle… sometimes I cry… sometimes I excitedly call my husband or my mom. “Look how cool this is!” *And I share w/ them*

In this understanding of the limitless source of creativity… this pure awareness of innovation – we get to create things, new things, needed things, fun things – with our consciousness; I not only realize the very mortal understanding that you only get so many days in this life but that we are all capable of some degree of this. We each have our color… our flavor.

Your purpose right now may be in the office making money, keeping insurance, till you can break out and kayak all day.

Your purpose right now may be raising a toddler and figuring out your life hacks for laundry and meal prep.

Your purpose right now could be garden zooms or politics or whatever. BUT – the oneness of mankind, that John Lennon push to live as one – comes down to: are you being who you are in doing so?

Is the way you are kind there? Is there a gentility about your spirit that allows others to learn from you and for you to learn from others?

I once told an early boss of mine that I was not supposed to get things finished; but that I was supposed to get things started.

And, in my corporate retirement, I see this as so true. I refuse to live by the idea that I just can’t seem to settle on one idea or that I lack focus. Instead, I embrace the idea that my focus is on sharing as many trickles of life as I can and, when I just can’t share: enjoy it.

Sharing puppy raising tips to a woman waiting for her kid at school with her 3 month old husky littermates out the window is as satisfying to me as a top three mistakes I won’t make this school year Instagram story to my fellow parents of teenagers which is as satisfying as telling a story around a dinner table to a handful of old mates. I have always wanted to be English on this blog…

So, this morning, I decided to blog first. To keep the creation off of the old boiling pot of a mind going; to put my mind soup in a bowl and put it out there. It is literally how and why I am wired.

I am getting closer, every day, to living out the realization I am a thought leader and contributor. Maybe to one person in a phone call that gets their wheels turning on their own life or maybe, some day via a video on YouTube about local transportation needs that will get Elon or the mayor of Webster Groves’ attention and heal some poverty wounds. Who knows. The least I can do is put it out there.

Because, no matter what, I know MY purpose is to share. That fluidity. That weaving. So that the owners and the people whose purpose is to capitalize and make happen, to see through and deliver can take from the fountain of my conduit what they need / want / etc and go from there.

Being an idea person can be a challenge. But – in the spirit of the oneness of mankind, the effort (sthira) then calls for the ease… and where I find joy, where I have always found joy, is in the sharing. And my earliest desire to be an apple tree because of the continual cycle of creation and giving comes to be.

My sukha.

My ease.

About the Oneness of Mankind

Full moon be damned, here I am planning and building on active visions… while I fold laundry, have coffee and train the pups at my feet to feel free to go, but welcome to stay.

In my last published post, I mentioned being in the market for a digital camera after tossing my iphone in the wash w/ the towels. Coincidentally, I am writing this post on my laptop on top of a stack of folded hoodies on top of the washing machine in which the towels are ready to move on in their cycle to the dryer. Pleased to say I do not believe any electronics will come up in the wash.

The room is warm, it is raining outside and I have chosen this moment to baseline myself in Frozen Spaghetti.

sidenote: If you search Frozen Spaghetti, do you get a page or two of recipes, questions about freezing spaghetti, etc?

The idea of being a human in this world, as I understand it, is to be recognized as a specific gift because you have the ability to be spiritual, have a consciousness. The more I have worked at this idea, I realize the grass is greener. I look at the spirituality of waves and or consciousness of trees and roots and I get a little smile… that sure does look nice.

At the present moment, I am planning a little open house for my sister’s birthday which is this Thursday. The home feels good, been doing about 20 – 30 minutes of wipe down, dishes, touch ups as I move through it. The whiteboards are clean and updated. There is a fresh batch of lentil chowder in the fridge and ingredients for hummus in the cabinet… soon to be on the counter…

My experience of being home and my experience of being “a Martha” (to be Christian about it) really brings out my deep motivation to belong and to please / welcome / create to invite others to belong. My core wants you to be safe and comfortable near me so that I can be by you.

And, that is where my life comes together. I retired from corporate life because I was no longer safe where I was. I did not like my humor, my ego’s active protective self. I did not like how I was becoming critical, suspicious, etc of others. I was somewhere, for a long time, and I had not grown in 4 years.. almost 5… no real markers of my creativity in flight, making the world a better place. The reason I stayed for all that time was the platform: that company was access to make the world a better place for hundreds… thousands… millions of people. The suppliers, the riders, the drivers, the people – the world around me was changing and requiring new things with COVID and I was absolutely ready to go.

Let’s make the world better.

And – trust me – I was shocked when the cruise ship of my life actually called my purpose forward. A 7th grader failing science… a 15 year old learning to drive… three new child souls in the household… two new cats… one husband, my marriage. Me.

In the change I have undergone in the past year, I am so confident. Not only in that it is never really necessary to try and explain these things.

Not only in my creativity, ability to listen, and my genuine ideas for humanity.

But in my present moments… as they come… because my actions are lining up to my intentions… my awareness of myself is making my each choice OK with me. I am trusting myself more, these days – even in the things I thought were failures, mistakes or shameful parts of myself in the past.

Maybe this will come out in a Netflix series, my sitcom, or my screenplay. My fiction may tell this story or my children’s rhymes.

But – no matter what – it will come out because it has to as living true to my self and all there forementioned is in fact a purpose. A simple one to follow, at minimum. Anything else requires more answers to questions that don’t matter to my laundry.. to my coffee.. to my dogs.

And to these here towels…

these are the days of my life. :)

<cue Imagine by John Lennon>

happy tuesday, ya’ll. erin