I have been going back and forth on a few things from my last post… The whole going back to corporate thing I mentioned? I guess, it’s really about this sincere desire to work that I have and this LOVE of thinking and drawing insights and the pleasure of when they make sense to people who need them to – I love that. I experienced that in my work at Enterprise, so I say “I’ll probably go back” meaning – I am sure my life will wind me to where this intuitive analysis creative thing is a part of my career. I also love to think about industry. Mainly – I like to complain about robots like le Google and Siri and how they fail me, but I do love thinking about how industries can literally and actually make things better for humans.
The other thing that I was kind of noodling from yesterday’s post was whether or not my point got across. This whole writer thing – it’s just really interesting, because it is both who I have always been and who I am becoming. But the becoming thing? That’s where I am surfing.
I talked with Marketia after my post. We were processing vocation and purpose and I found myself sharing with her how in my “wrestling” between marketing and operations, purpose and practical next steps, how I knew – deep down – this answer of “what am I supposed to be doing in my life” was going to be so obvious.
All answers to big questions seem to typically be obvious. “Square between the eyes”, type of answers. So when I looked for what was already obvious and saw notes across my desk on how my writing moved somebody or thanking me for creating something, it made me really reflect on genuine comments on “the flow” and genuine excitement my friends and family have with me on the future and its unfolding.
It feels real. This whole writer thing…
So. Frozen Spaghetti readers, here’s what I am now in: the removal of the saran wrap that believes I need that person, that mentor, that role, that opportunity, that one thing. I am in the part of shifting from ladder climbing culture to future is now thinking that requires me to know what I obviously know (writing) and let the rest surprise me (even if it is obvious when it does in fact come).
The sheer amount of people who are popping up in my life is actually indescribable. I described them towards the end of my post yesterday… it’s not just bullshit busy work. These people popping up – phone calls and knocks on the door, lunch plans and business – they are different than the endless meetings that kept me from getting to “just get my work done” or “go heads down”. Shifting this “pressure like” feeling (Erin, are you prioritizing your time correctly?) is also part of this layer of saran wrap removal. (PS: For new readers, I retired from corporate life in 2020 and have been actively removing 16 years of thinking as limiting beliefs pop up.)
Yeah. So – I am a writer. Responsible for showing up for the projects. And I am (in my mom’s words) personable and “out there with others” and willing to show up for the people. These two things are a yin and yang that make up the whole. This balance of effort and ease, this is where my devotional practice 3.0 is coming to form. Like. An actual emergence of dharma that I know (special thanks to watching The Kardashians on Hulu) that I have to pay attention to. I cannot feel like there is something right to do and not do it. I have to follow what is obvious.
There’s that word again…
I have been thinking a lot about my health and my routines. How am I caring for my physical body and keeping myself primed for everything involved in this pursuit / moving forward as well as the things involved in this root / staying grounded (for the fam, ya know… and the dogs). It’s causing me to consider my nidra and my yoga and my diet and my tumeric and my black seed and my actually amazing doctor and how I need to get back there for some B12 and prayer. (She actually factually prays – straight up – in my appointments. It’s just so good.)
For those of you who have been following along and so supportive, thank you so much. The guilt and the pressure of performance is eased by your grace and is helping me feel confident as I navigate the nooks of my new creative universe, how I work with myself, and the trust thing.
I mentioned at the end of yesterday’s post that “We are the mirrors on the boxes we carry our hearts in and it is US that show back to the world what we would like to see” – I think this is why so many people are in popping up in my life in the same season I am actively putting in effort into these creative projects. In everything I do, I feel this nudge when the rhyme or the prose can be rounded or more open to let more people in. In all of the creative work, I feel this little jolt when there is insight there that if somebody read twice, went through – it might give. It might breathe.
If I did not know all of these people personally, would I be able to do that? I am not sure. The intro to the devotional has been through several test reads and the last comment somebody made was “It’s for everybody”…. it is… for everybody.
Which. Apparently lit agents don’t want to hear. :) so… back to figuring out this writing thing. BY WRITING. OK BYE HAPPY SATURDAY.
“We are the mirrors on the boxes we carry our hearts in and it is US that show back to the world what we would like to see.” Frozen Spaghetti
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