writing – Page 7 – Frozen Spaghetti

a little writing warm up

February 11, 2021February 11, 2021by ErinLeave a Comment

Not only as precursor to a writing event in my near future (albeit it is still a toss up between notes to friends, astrology bible study post (with a personal deadline of publishing to the 4 dedicated readers of that email distro) or (hopefully) a little fiction). Hashtag how many parathesis can one use in a two sentence paragraph. Hashtag Hi Delene. (Hashtag Editor.)

This post is also a refreshed commitment of sorts.

I am down in my study packed with necessities with a plan to be here for 4 maybe 5 hours. First thing on my mind to share is a deep thought scribble on the back of a check somebody wrote me for Jan and Feb yoga classes.

It goes like this:

If you believe somebody “likes to” “drive you crazy. Then, in theory, the best approach would be one aimed to manage the body’s reactions to triggers, use breath and grounding stances / practices ahead, during and after engaging with said somebody. Thus eliminating the variable of “crazy” from the equation. If you can’t be driven crazy, they can’t have the satisfaction of driving you such.
If you believe somebody “likes to” then the opposite must be true: You like to do things as well. What do you like to do? Do you get any satisfaction from establishing any kind of positioning with others? Do you roll your eyes at people? Do you get annoyed when they don’t do what you want them to do? Do you cut people off when they are speaking? Dismiss or counter their opinion immediately without listening? Do you walk away from hard conversations? Easy ones? Do you offer opinions unsolicited? Do you ever forget that the person you are dealing with has a life behind both of your eyes where they are allowed their selfs, their whole life, without the judgement or validation of you?
If any of those things are true in even one slight degree of truth, you probably drive somebody crazy. The question is: do you like it? If so – health check your ego. Fit check? I think is what the teens are saying.
Lastly, in theory, if you believe somebody likes to drive you crazy, then it must be true that you allow others to drive your experience. Though to some degree, this is unavoidable in life; in many degrees it is possible to self advocate, set boundaries and contain agency.

Here is what else is going on:

There is a Director job posted for a communications type role in my *home town* home town. I would be lying if I told you I didn’t think twice about it. I did. And a third time to boot (in which I was wearing a navy blue blazer with my hair pulled back, making excuses for my nails and admiring my new glasses). I sure do love parentheses lately. Anyway, from a mentality standpoint, I am paying attention to whether or not I rage against the whole of the corporate machine (I am the CEO, I really can’t work anywhere) or if I could get into a flow leading a part of something; like Public Engagement for City Hall. So that is interesting to observe.

I recorded a class today that will go live on Sunday… Valentines. It is virtual only and goes live at 7p central (aka Chicago’s time zone) on Sunday. I wrote it so that it could be done in bed if one so desired. And I love it. Legitimately love it. Key word: patience. If any body is interested that reads this (thank you, by the way) use the contact form and give me the email address and first / last name you want to use and comment “valentines restorative class” and I’ll register you for class. The link you get will be good for 24 hours and – for first timers, it’s on me (and the studio) as we would love to have you.

That is pretty much it. Warm up complete. Time to build intensity…. :) erin

Words in Sentences

new days @ a few feet from where my husband is playing guitar, post dinner, webster groves

December 1, 2020by Erin4 Comments

Times are a changin’, that is for sure.

Changing so much so that it can be hard to sit and check in with myself on here and sort through the nuance for the themes. Not only is there wild variety in what to write about: the teens, the towels (it has gotten more mental on that front), the *parenting strategy* (I am writing a 2021 Family Handbook) or just the personal effects of retiring from corporate life, where my identity was intertwined for 16 years. But there is wild contradiction in my thoughts.

For example: I planted some garlic a couple of weeks ago. Just the other day, I noticed a little bit of green poking up and I thought to myself “shoot, maybe its too warm” and I was disappointed to see the pokes of green. Moments later, I assessed the bed where I dunked this huge hunk of mint root that had been bound in a yellow pot and wondered “well, why aren’t you poking up?”

I am being very, very kind and patient to myself in all the change; recognizing all of this as a proverbial salad dressing shake up. My life has changed a lot this year and I am just now through what feels to be a final major identity shift. I got married, blended my family, retired from my work. My last name is different. I am officially transmuted, no longer transmuting. Now it is time to see what I became.

I heard from my work best friend today, Keyur. There was a sting of loyalty (pun kind of intended – we worked on our company’s loyalty programs together) that came up. It had been well over a week since we spoke. We were daily sounding boards, sanity checks and life lines. Deciding to leave Enterprise came down to a couple key thoughts and “whether or not I could do that to Keyur” was for sure one of them. When he heard of my plans and expressed sincere support and told me “no way, Erin, you have to go”, it helped. It still was not easy. But it helped.

When Keyur texted to say hey, I was baking some fish and watching my daughter, Ellen’s, basketball game on a streaming service. Ladue played Rosati Kain tonight in their season opener. I absolutely loved it. I am drinking this peanut butter chocolate stout out of a wine glass and am thinking about how I need to be a little thoughtful of my new life wardrobe so that I don’t live in a revolving door of cleaning pants and sweat pants. I had a successful Cyber Monday and have done a little decorating amongst little hints of time to “write write”.

Like, write like I was born to write.

Last week being Thanksgiving week, I was on my feet daily for 8 – 10 hours in the kitchen. It was a great vibe and there were a couple of cameos from kids that wanted to help and be a part of the creation. I was insanely proud of myself for throwing down a complete feast as Queen de la roost. I was proud of my family, for how it was grown. I was humbled at our fortune in life and cried blessing our meal, knowing folks out there may not have been able to go all out this year, not be able to do a turkey.

By Thanksgiving evening, my body was utterly sore. David and I decided on Friday morning I was to do nothing. I propped my legs up with a bolster and got comfortable and found my first opening of space for some of my writing work. I am not entirely comfortable yet sharing the details but I am really, really excited about my creative projects. Getting the house in a good, consistent place (hence a Family Handbook) and learning my new roles and establishing presence in each of my people’s life are all making way for a routine and for opportunity.

I am busy all day and much more relaxed.

Even when there are half a dozen dirty washcloths in the basket with the clean ones and no dirty washcloths in the laundry basket. #drama

Closing thought: what I know to be in true in life is things are rarely final. Even death can be transformative. Behaviors and patterns and cycles can be rewired or broken. Things you think will never change – someday – you will be looking straight at a situation and it will just be different. It will just feel different. Your one next step will be different or something about you will be different that you take the one next step that was there the whole while. So while I am in a season of settling and change, taking stock of everything I hope to see transform as fruit of what I am able to do thanks to my transformation, I know from the course of my life to offer a ton of grace and patience to the mix.

I know to be intentional and honest about my yes and my no. I know when you’re not it causes blips that are distracting from the big picture.

What else do I know… <stream of consciousness here>

Oh, yeah – to put your Amazon orders in before it gets intense. :)

That’s all for now. Hi to all of you. I hope you are all feeling good about your holiday planning.

Words in Sentences

Sun Kissed and Accomplished (AKA LCCC Part 3) @ The Part of the Couch I Never Sit On – Bellingham

August 9, 2020August 9, 2020by ErinLeave a Comment

The chowder was a success. I am happy to say, it was 6 hours of love and attention well worth it. “Out of this world, delicious” was what David just offered as a way to describe the chowder.

Thinking back to the earliest parts of the base, I put two drops of liquid smoke in with the olive oil and butter. I think that had something to do with it. The curry sweetness balanced with the most delicate half a minced jalapeno and fresh thyme. I used this pretentious half and half toward the end. After the potatoes and base got along just fine, I brought it all to boil and simmered for a solid twenty before letting it sit back down so I could stir in the cream.

We ate it with lemony oven friend pork chops. Nothing special there but they were *good*. I have been craving pork chops for awhile – and I think it is the lemony crunch that happens when you cook them up just right that I was really hoping for…

We digested a bit and then went over to the park. I sat and worked on some fiction writing while David walked with two of our girls around “the duck pond”. Kara, our 11 year old, came and found me and I ran ideas by her – we got excited about creepy shop keepers and lost keys and alternate realities – I wrote a little more, called our 12 year old Lucy and low and behold we landed on the name of the main character. A working way to refer to her, at least.

It’s almost 7:30pm and I have done nothing but cook and write and support our family with selling things on Facebook all day. It feels good. I am so glad for this day – that it was so beautiful and real jobs didn’t take our focus. I am grateful for time to write and for David playing the guitar while the sun starts to get low behind him.

I am grateful for the chowder and for lemons and for local cream sold in thick glass bottles. I am grateful for expensive pork chops cut from pigs who learned how to watercolor first and for the experimental self discovery that occurs when you cook and create. There is really simply nothing like it.

Maybe music and writing are similar, actually. The common denominator for me in all three is how excited I get to share. :)