writing – Page 4 – Frozen Spaghetti

This Whole Writer Thing

May 14, 2022May 14, 2022by ErinLeave a Comment

I have been going back and forth on a few things from my last post… The whole going back to corporate thing I mentioned? I guess, it’s really about this sincere desire to work that I have and this LOVE of thinking and drawing insights and the pleasure of when they make sense to people who need them to – I love that. I experienced that in my work at Enterprise, so I say “I’ll probably go back” meaning – I am sure my life will wind me to where this intuitive analysis creative thing is a part of my career. I also love to think about industry. Mainly – I like to complain about robots like le Google and Siri and how they fail me, but I do love thinking about how industries can literally and actually make things better for humans.

The other thing that I was kind of noodling from yesterday’s post was whether or not my point got across. This whole writer thing – it’s just really interesting, because it is both who I have always been and who I am becoming. But the becoming thing? That’s where I am surfing.

I talked with Marketia after my post. We were processing vocation and purpose and I found myself sharing with her how in my “wrestling” between marketing and operations, purpose and practical next steps, how I knew – deep down – this answer of “what am I supposed to be doing in my life” was going to be so obvious.

All answers to big questions seem to typically be obvious. “Square between the eyes”, type of answers. So when I looked for what was already obvious and saw notes across my desk on how my writing moved somebody or thanking me for creating something, it made me really reflect on genuine comments on “the flow” and genuine excitement my friends and family have with me on the future and its unfolding.

It feels real. This whole writer thing…

So. Frozen Spaghetti readers, here’s what I am now in: the removal of the saran wrap that believes I need that person, that mentor, that role, that opportunity, that one thing. I am in the part of shifting from ladder climbing culture to future is now thinking that requires me to know what I obviously know (writing) and let the rest surprise me (even if it is obvious when it does in fact come).

The sheer amount of people who are popping up in my life is actually indescribable. I described them towards the end of my post yesterday… it’s not just bullshit busy work. These people popping up – phone calls and knocks on the door, lunch plans and business – they are different than the endless meetings that kept me from getting to “just get my work done” or “go heads down”. Shifting this “pressure like” feeling (Erin, are you prioritizing your time correctly?) is also part of this layer of saran wrap removal. (PS: For new readers, I retired from corporate life in 2020 and have been actively removing 16 years of thinking as limiting beliefs pop up.)

Yeah. So – I am a writer. Responsible for showing up for the projects. And I am (in my mom’s words) personable and “out there with others” and willing to show up for the people. These two things are a yin and yang that make up the whole. This balance of effort and ease, this is where my devotional practice 3.0 is coming to form. Like. An actual emergence of dharma that I know (special thanks to watching The Kardashians on Hulu) that I have to pay attention to. I cannot feel like there is something right to do and not do it. I have to follow what is obvious.

There’s that word again…

I have been thinking a lot about my health and my routines. How am I caring for my physical body and keeping myself primed for everything involved in this pursuit / moving forward as well as the things involved in this root / staying grounded (for the fam, ya know… and the dogs). It’s causing me to consider my nidra and my yoga and my diet and my tumeric and my black seed and my actually amazing doctor and how I need to get back there for some B12 and prayer. (She actually factually prays – straight up – in my appointments. It’s just so good.)

For those of you who have been following along and so supportive, thank you so much. The guilt and the pressure of performance is eased by your grace and is helping me feel confident as I navigate the nooks of my new creative universe, how I work with myself, and the trust thing.

I mentioned at the end of yesterday’s post that “We are the mirrors on the boxes we carry our hearts in and it is US that show back to the world what we would like to see” – I think this is why so many people are in popping up in my life in the same season I am actively putting in effort into these creative projects. In everything I do, I feel this nudge when the rhyme or the prose can be rounded or more open to let more people in. In all of the creative work, I feel this little jolt when there is insight there that if somebody read twice, went through – it might give. It might breathe.

If I did not know all of these people personally, would I be able to do that? I am not sure. The intro to the devotional has been through several test reads and the last comment somebody made was “It’s for everybody”…. it is… for everybody.

Which. Apparently lit agents don’t want to hear. :) so… back to figuring out this writing thing. BY WRITING. OK BYE HAPPY SATURDAY.

“We are the mirrors on the boxes we carry our hearts in and it is US that show back to the world what we would like to see.” Frozen Spaghetti
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Words in Sentences

Long Time Listener, First Time Caller

April 9, 2022April 9, 2022by ErinLeave a Comment

Hey!

Just a quick note on *what is going on*!!!!!

The devotional is freaking awesome. I honestly did not think I was going to be able to say that because it has been in a major rut.

The rut was related to some overall branding decisions (seriously) and I was confused on Frozen Spaghetti’s role in all of this… this blog – guys, I have had this blog for over a decade. It’s where my favorite storytelling writing voice comes out.

Buuuut this storytelling writing voice is not totally workable in the spiritual direction aspect because it is so much a diary of an adult child thing.

Yet. It came together.

My author’s note / background / about me in the book?

I titled the page “A Note from Frozen Spaghetti”. My personal blog, shoebox on the internet.

This blog is not going anywhere. And it is going to stay open. But it is getting a little bit of a re-org to experiment with an idea I have.

For those of you who follow via email (THANK YOU, btw) you’ll notice more mail in the coming days (weeks? months?) as I work through the archives of the blog, edit, align with the – (what’s the word, cultural compass?) – and republish.

Why am I doing this?

The devotional that is freaking awesome is based on the fruits of spirit: the characteristics of somebody who is steadily feeding themselves good spiritual food. In the eyes, in the ears, in the mouth, etc – a person is said to be demonstrating the fruits of spirit when they are examples of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, self control.

I KNOW I can be a better example of these things to my family.

I WANT to be a better example of these things to my family.

I want to be that little old lady someday who the neighbor kids are like, “she is always so nice and she doesn’t get mad about when we cut from her garden”. I want my adult children to enjoy taking care of me in my old age because my heart is soft and not critical. I want them to feel safe with me. I want my husband to feel supported by my faithfulness the way I feel supported by the faithfulness of the rising sun and moon.

So, Frozen Spaghetti is getting new categories!! YAHOO. New categories.

It’s a little bit of surgery, a little bit of rock n roll. (It has been FUN to read old posts from WHEN I HAD A TWO YEAR OLD who is 14 now – the smile is still really great on her). The new categories are those fruits and my editing process has the focus (praise mercy be, I HAVE FOCUS!) on getting the post to a point where it is a story of that characteristic. My relationship to it, etc.

Thank you for your patience and please consider not sending me to spam. :)

Wish me luck.

If you want to be a part of the 2022 round for this devotional, it is here. I am thinking I am a little bit behind my shipping goal (probably because I am) but it was always pretty fluid and so for those who have ordered, hang in there. I really do think it will be worth it.

Last but not least – because of the nature of this work and my complete “Soli Deo Gloria” about it (which, did you know that people actually use that FOR THEIR CREATIVE WORK to make sure they align with higher / bigger rather than smaller / self), I am not going to radically offer the book out on Amazon and Barnes and Noble until after a first round of readers, feedback and engagement.

I have a feeling I will be learning a lot with this one and am hopeful to spare myself sleepless nights of “How do I call Amazon and change this.”

THE END! Back to the grind!!!!!

Words in Sentences

My Last Day of Isolation. (The seeming joy of a breakthrough infection.)

October 25, 2021October 25, 2021by ErinLeave a Comment

When I woke up last Sunday with my chest completely tight after a night where my joints were on fire and I tossed and turned in absolute discomfort which was after having dinner with my husband and feeling like I had been on a Florida shore with no sunblock all day, the first thing on my mind was getting a COVID test.

There was only one other time I thought about getting a COVID test. It was summer of 2020 and we were packing up the house in Bellingham to move the kids, cats, furniture and new husband to Saint Louis. I remember feeling really nervous about getting a test and screwing up our logistics. I had a few days to see about myself, never broke a fever, ended up feeling fine and we kept our plans.

Now, here in the fall of 2021, I was fully vaccinated and definitely sick. One pink and blue stripe later, we were masking in the house, I was isolated to the master bedroom and bathroom and the psychology of being sick with mild symptoms, fine but not fine, and overall figuring out how to handle being excluded when “baby, but you’re in isolation – you have to be excluded” (to use David’s words) was playing out.

I wasn’t sick enough to be nursed, cooked for and cleaned for. I wasn’t well enough to cook and clean without feeling absolutely frustrated (both of those things are really less fun in a mask). I had enough energy to start walking the dogs, but would get out of breath and want to lay down. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t know what to expect others to do for me. But I knew the answer to both of those conundrums was somewhere between “nothing” and “whatever”.

By Friday, I had convinced myself to treat isolation as a little sacred time. I had used the week to finish my book, Words that Rhyme and Lullabies, and get a file out to the printer for art samples, editor for editing, designer for tweaks. Having that pdf off and running gave me a mental break “holy smokes my book is done” moment and I realized I had the rest of my time alone to dwell.

I started working through some organization.. gathering the material for book #2 – a devotional guide to emotions. I pulled fall and winter clothes up and washed and worked out my wardrobe for fall / winter. I lit candles and ate ice cream sandwiches and let my energy pool back into my body until Saturday night rolled around and I felt up for a glass of wine outside with David.

I spent Sunday pulling and potting my favorite plants to give them a shot indoors. I cleaned out my front bed and harvested my lavender into bundles that are now drying above the piano. My favorite moments from isolation were when David was off of work and we sat out in our backyard with the dogs and a fire and took our masks off. We had coffee on FaceTime and watched a movie synchronously but it was that outside time that really filled my tank.

And now it is Monday, day 9 of my 10 day quarantine. I will gather feedback on my book this week and start forging into the business side of getting the word out there and gathering orders for the first edition paperback of my first ever book. WOW. I will also start the real work of “writing writing” which requires a daily reading practice, a daily writing warm up, and some mining of spiritual thoughts and content. So today – my last day of quarantine, is like a little morph into new work, a new week.

Anyway. I hope you are staying safe out there. If you are feeling sorry for yourself today – trust me – from my little red hen complex to yours, it really helps to remember everything you have in front of you is a gift of some sort.

Even the hard stuff. That’s where the growth is. Name the belief you have that is causing the shit to feel real and see if that belief is worthy of keeping around.

I’m thankful for my breakthrough COVID infection for reminding me just how in control of my own mental health I am by tracing my emotional vomit back to my beliefs and what I am or am not allowing myself … :) I am thankful I was not needing medical care as I waited this out. I am mindful of those who are super sick and alone.

I am glad I allowed myself the space to surround myself with notebooks and hot tea and candles and use my quarantine to reboot and transition.

Yeah. Somehow we made it work. OK….

Until next time… erin