Tag: motherhood

Words in Sentences

Becoming a Stepmom @ the middle of sorting bins Webster 7.18

by Erin2 Comments on Becoming a Stepmom @ the middle of sorting bins Webster 7.18

Been writing and processing the words “my husband” more than “being a wife” in recent weeks.

Reason for that is actually super clear to me. I became a wife before I met David. In the 7 years I was divorced or maybe 8, I became a woman who trusted herself, who learned to listen, who gave space to others, who took care of herself.

In those things, I became ready to be somebody’s wife. Those journals are where I learned that. Now I can marvel at the tide of him being husband… not boyfriend, not fiancé… husband. It’s fascinating.

But as the headband went on this morning and the sleeves rolled up, I found myself excited and motivated to get the house ready for the kids. Not the girls. The kids. Not Ellen and Lucy. Ellen Aria Lucy Kara and Maddox. 15, 14, 12, 11, 7.

I get to have a 7 year old again :)

I have gotten the house ready for the girls plenty of times. Week on / week off always afforded me a little Sunday practice of tidying and setting.

But this? This new ball game of getting the house ready for the kids has me daydreaming about decorating for Christmas with Kara, setting up Aria for supreme comfort and making the perfect balance of boy / man space for Maddox’s Star Wars toys and legos.

I’m setting aside the cookie and pancake stuff. Remembering the middle girls new love of “no bake chocolate cakes” and thinking of how to make their ingredients set up for them.. not just for the novelty and joy they would get from their own basket, but to prevent the surprise of all the sudden being out of vanilla when I go to use it.

It’s fun. David is down piddling in the shed and the yard. I’m about to put tunes back on and continue my evolution into stepmom, mom, mom of 5, “Erin”.

Christmas will be fun this year!
Current Sitch. :-/

Words in Sentences

Sitting On the Deck @ Bellingham On the Deck 7.5.20

by Erin1 Comment on Sitting On the Deck @ Bellingham On the Deck 7.5.20

My thoughts today are filled with things like needing dinner plates at our house in Webster, how I can get rid of the hutch in the dining room now that I have this little laptop, cleaning the basement and getting it ready for either the drum kit or maybe work space, definitely lounge space.

Thinking about the house up here in Washington and how I am starting to know exactly how I want to redo the kitchen. How to open up this little corner that gets so cramped, how to make the space feel as big as it is, how to set it up to serve 7+ mouthfuls buffet style.

Thinking about registering Ford blood kids for school in the fall, what to plan my schedule to be like to give some 1:1 regularly to all five- see what they are learning, manage distance learning, see how they are. Which leads me to thinking about the people in St. Louis I need to call on for help, to pick up teens for coffee or have some sort of play date with our 7 year old and theirs.

I know a lot of people with 6 – 8 year olds… that feels lucky for Maddox.

I am thinking about bigger plans for both houses. Patios and my ideal laundry set up. Which prompts me to go downstairs and switch out a load of laundry. While I’m at it, I throw some comet on the shower floor to come back and scrub up in a bit.

David is in the kitchen doing the dishes from yesterday. We grilled pizzas and some ribs… some corn, too… Ah, <smiling> he is making sausage and grits too at the moment. I’m on the deck in the sunshine. Reminding myself that all of this happens one step at a time and feeling really proud of myself for sitting still.

I am thinking about this idea my sister sent me to put a “registry of things” together that is all encompassing: acts of service, things we need, etc. That might be helpful, just to even have to keep track of ourselves… Plus don’t you get a discount when you buy off your own registry?

(“Interesting”… I can hear David saying when he hears that… )

The pace here is nice and easy. Was supposed to be heading to Sacramento this evening but due to Covid, we are punting that visit to cousins for a later, more safer point in time. Plus, we got married on Friday so it feels right to not split up and – even better – we booked us both coming to STL to get Ellen and Lucy home to their dad for a bit.

David and I took the kayaks out this morning and I am actually pretty grateful today isn’t a leaving day.

David just came out to sit with me, he brought me a bowl of eggs, grits and sausage and some warmed up coffee. Going to talk with him now and see about our plans for the day. It’s absolutely gorgeous out and we are thinking about hitting up this local farm and taking the kids to hike a cove that gives you a view out into the bay, over to Canada and hopefully of some mountains since it is clear out.

That’s all for now :)

Words in Sentences

5.1.20 On the Road

by Erin5 Comments on 5.1.20 On the Road

Started into a podcast this morning when Maddox, our youngest, asked for music for a little bit. He is so sweet, I obliged.

As I scrolled for a good easy song to play, I stumbled upon Oceans and said to David, “I think I’ll start us out with a little worship music.”

“I really don’t want to listen to worship music.” He said, with his loving laugh voice which I’m thankful exists.

“Well then that probably means you should” I say in my loving laugh voice which I’m also thankful exists. It was a sweet exchange.

I looked out the window at this beautiful sunny morning, headed into our 9 hour journey to Black Hills National Forest. My heart started to tremble:

// spirit lead me where my trust is without borders //

Listening to the repetition of the prayer while watching the landscape with the lingering smell of a PBJ in the truck cab (made for Aria) made me aware of this reality that I have been led to an adventurous man.

This commitment we are in has me on a roadtrip, through a part of the country I have never been in, using strengths my life has equipped me for (like making three kids comfortable in a backseat and making sandwiches from a front seat – wrapped in a folded napkin with a quick scribble note to the recipient on it) and in a landscape of people so wide and deep that the only realistic expectation I can have of myself to help guide and mother is to stay present. To pay attention.

When I consider the whole of all that is on my mind and heart and how much is unknown, I am led just to consider its opposite: “known”.

I considered seasons of “known” (where nothing major was in question or in flux) and realized those seasons were seasons of plans, concrete planning or where plans were in motion.

If what is “known” means to me that I know the plan then, very much so, my life right now is “on the fly”. Big stuff: I don’t know what June looks like, yes. But even daily stuff like tomorrow night, I’m sleeping “in Montana”.

I did a little word math, a way I journal to try and make sense of complex ideas, to find my center. And I saw quickly that living “on the fly” and living “planned” have the same root: my intention.

If living present, per my true honest root, my intention, I believe, would not make my plan that much different than what I would come up with in a split decision. Said another way, what I come up with in a split decision is probably similar to what I would have planned… I think this is where the lyrics got me, spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.

Maybe living spirit led allows them to be the same: making plans and winging it. Just like Covid changed the best of plans, a boon can change the worst of winging it. If you’re true to your intention, to being spirit led, your trust is without borders.

To close, I’m stunned at how much of my life with David rings true to what I am accustomed to – like long road trips and lots of people – while also having me in unknown territory where I am reminded to rely heavily on the spirit. In yoga, we call this the balance between effort and ease – and when we find this place, we have just the right amount of tension to grow and explore newness with just the right of softness to trust and relax. It’s humbling: how simple the complexities of life can be.

Lots of love. :) me

Iowa. <shrug>