Tag: motherhood

Words in Sentences

Sitting On the Deck @ Bellingham On the Deck 7.5.20

by Erin1 Comment on Sitting On the Deck @ Bellingham On the Deck 7.5.20

My thoughts today are filled with things like needing dinner plates at our house in Webster, how I can get rid of the hutch in the dining room now that I have this little laptop, cleaning the basement and getting it ready for either the drum kit or maybe work space, definitely lounge space.

Thinking about the house up here in Washington and how I am starting to know exactly how I want to redo the kitchen. How to open up this little corner that gets so cramped, how to make the space feel as big as it is, how to set it up to serve 7+ mouthfuls buffet style.

Thinking about registering Ford blood kids for school in the fall, what to plan my schedule to be like to give some 1:1 regularly to all five- see what they are learning, manage distance learning, see how they are. Which leads me to thinking about the people in St. Louis I need to call on for help, to pick up teens for coffee or have some sort of play date with our 7 year old and theirs.

I know a lot of people with 6 – 8 year olds… that feels lucky for Maddox.

I am thinking about bigger plans for both houses. Patios and my ideal laundry set up. Which prompts me to go downstairs and switch out a load of laundry. While I’m at it, I throw some comet on the shower floor to come back and scrub up in a bit.

David is in the kitchen doing the dishes from yesterday. We grilled pizzas and some ribs… some corn, too… Ah, <smiling> he is making sausage and grits too at the moment. I’m on the deck in the sunshine. Reminding myself that all of this happens one step at a time and feeling really proud of myself for sitting still.

I am thinking about this idea my sister sent me to put a “registry of things” together that is all encompassing: acts of service, things we need, etc. That might be helpful, just to even have to keep track of ourselves… Plus don’t you get a discount when you buy off your own registry?

(“Interesting”… I can hear David saying when he hears that… )

The pace here is nice and easy. Was supposed to be heading to Sacramento this evening but due to Covid, we are punting that visit to cousins for a later, more safer point in time. Plus, we got married on Friday so it feels right to not split up and – even better – we booked us both coming to STL to get Ellen and Lucy home to their dad for a bit.

David and I took the kayaks out this morning and I am actually pretty grateful today isn’t a leaving day.

David just came out to sit with me, he brought me a bowl of eggs, grits and sausage and some warmed up coffee. Going to talk with him now and see about our plans for the day. It’s absolutely gorgeous out and we are thinking about hitting up this local farm and taking the kids to hike a cove that gives you a view out into the bay, over to Canada and hopefully of some mountains since it is clear out.

That’s all for now :)

Words in Sentences

5.1.20 On the Road

by Erin5 Comments on 5.1.20 On the Road

Started into a podcast this morning when Maddox, our youngest, asked for music for a little bit. He is so sweet, I obliged.

As I scrolled for a good easy song to play, I stumbled upon Oceans and said to David, “I think I’ll start us out with a little worship music.”

“I really don’t want to listen to worship music.” He said, with his loving laugh voice which I’m thankful exists.

“Well then that probably means you should” I say in my loving laugh voice which I’m also thankful exists. It was a sweet exchange.

I looked out the window at this beautiful sunny morning, headed into our 9 hour journey to Black Hills National Forest. My heart started to tremble:

// spirit lead me where my trust is without borders //

Listening to the repetition of the prayer while watching the landscape with the lingering smell of a PBJ in the truck cab (made for Aria) made me aware of this reality that I have been led to an adventurous man.

This commitment we are in has me on a roadtrip, through a part of the country I have never been in, using strengths my life has equipped me for (like making three kids comfortable in a backseat and making sandwiches from a front seat – wrapped in a folded napkin with a quick scribble note to the recipient on it) and in a landscape of people so wide and deep that the only realistic expectation I can have of myself to help guide and mother is to stay present. To pay attention.

When I consider the whole of all that is on my mind and heart and how much is unknown, I am led just to consider its opposite: “known”.

I considered seasons of “known” (where nothing major was in question or in flux) and realized those seasons were seasons of plans, concrete planning or where plans were in motion.

If what is “known” means to me that I know the plan then, very much so, my life right now is “on the fly”. Big stuff: I don’t know what June looks like, yes. But even daily stuff like tomorrow night, I’m sleeping “in Montana”.

I did a little word math, a way I journal to try and make sense of complex ideas, to find my center. And I saw quickly that living “on the fly” and living “planned” have the same root: my intention.

If living present, per my true honest root, my intention, I believe, would not make my plan that much different than what I would come up with in a split decision. Said another way, what I come up with in a split decision is probably similar to what I would have planned… I think this is where the lyrics got me, spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.

Maybe living spirit led allows them to be the same: making plans and winging it. Just like Covid changed the best of plans, a boon can change the worst of winging it. If you’re true to your intention, to being spirit led, your trust is without borders.

To close, I’m stunned at how much of my life with David rings true to what I am accustomed to – like long road trips and lots of people – while also having me in unknown territory where I am reminded to rely heavily on the spirit. In yoga, we call this the balance between effort and ease – and when we find this place, we have just the right amount of tension to grow and explore newness with just the right of softness to trust and relax. It’s humbling: how simple the complexities of life can be.

Lots of love. :) me

Iowa. <shrug>
Words in Sentences

San Fran, CA – 2019 (SFO)

by ErinLeave a Comment on San Fran, CA – 2019 (SFO)

fullsizeoutput_d8b7.jpegHave you seen Ellen lately? This is her back in June – perfectly packed – at ease on our BART commute to Union Square for a 46 hour stint in San Francisco.

This picture is so rich to me. And perhaps I am reflecting on her because I have been in her room doing some deep “have you really been dusting” cleaning. Her room got to the point last week that it was just time to be rearranged, re-thought, evolved.

I sit (absolutely covered in dust) with a Starburst wrapper stuck on the bottom of my bare left foot and am in awe of how I am more in love with my oldest child than ever.

As I prepare to bring a bin up to start gathering up her nursery items, her kid room items, and leave it minimal – cool – updated, I realize the extent to which she and I have a decade behind us. For the most part, I know when and where she got things. I know the sentimental value behind the items in her room from her mom: items I made her because I love the little things like her sense of time and her feet.

For example, I printed this picture of her feet (one arch folded over the other, the way they still end up when she sleeps curled up on her belly) which were soles up at me while I was driving her and her sister across the country. It was taken in our van, she was dozing in the front seat in such a way that her perfect feet were nestled next to the road atlas. I decoupaged the picture onto a little box that now stores her guitar picks.

Ellen and travel just go together. (Along with her need for sleep.)

As I round out my thirties, I realize just how much the hard parts of my life are more easily navigated when I use what comes easy to me or how they are more fun and enriching when I incorporate what I love; what “just goes with” who I am.

Likewise, I recognize the effort in the ease. I hope she learns this relationship between easy and hard things early. How the surrender and the edge work together. Yet sometimes I think she already knows on a deeper level how to let go and be in the still moments that come.

Still moments like when you are waiting for when the BART will finally take off through the painted neighborhoods, to the heart of San Francisco. A city that provides a shared pulse for me and Ellen.

San Fran gets her the same way it gets me. It is a pure kind of connection that puts a person at ease before ever having arrived.

That’s it for now. #backtocleaning #sanfrancisco