Category: Words in Sentences

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Words in Sentences

Thinking Positively about my Negative Thinking @ Desk in Family Room

by ErinLeave a Comment on Thinking Positively about my Negative Thinking @ Desk in Family Room

I just took a delicious swig of the cool left over venti Pike Place I got yesterday morning after checking out of my hotel. What is it about the combination of a packed carry on tote and Starbucks that literally gives me life? I don’t know but I am a believer.

This is my writing warm up for the day. I woke up in room 1107 at a little boutique hotel yesterday and spent a full morning in a sunlit queen sized bed doing whatever I wanted in my notebooks and on the internet. A daughter turned 13 on Saturday and her and her best friend got some rare pandemic free time to just breathe, be social and be somewhere different.

The idea was generated out of excitement for them, they are great girls and deserve a little treat. However, as the day progressed and birthday morning prep and “party” execution and basketball games came and went; the excitement rolled over onto me. I have been missing the smell of my suitcase and long for the mental puzzle of a little bit of travel. And though the night was not necessary relaxing (though it is where I started to relax – as the eucalyptus soap washed the bonfire off) the morning for sure was.

I attempted to draw the curtains shut at the crack of dawn to learn that they actually did not shut. Grateful for the pretty morning after such a grey week, I woke as early as I normally would and began to peck through my heart and my thoughts to figure out: with no other stimuli – where I was in life, what I was wanting to do and spend time on and where I needed shifting.

My negative thinking is rarely negative thinking more than it is noticing the problems to be solved, the areas to transform. I told a friend this morning, when we caught up for a quick thirty, that I can tell when I am doing something wrong in my approach when my approach is causing me stress, worry, losing sleep or irritability. I have learned that means a belief I have isn’t helpful or it is a reminder that I am attempting to manage something outside of my own self (and to knock it off).

Because of this, I share my “negative thinking” openly. I am comfortable with it. And though I know that I have a MAJOR opportunity to change up *the way* I tell my stories so it doesn’t sound hyper critical of a specific kid or situation, I do trust the overall process I have learned to be true: you learn your words and your needs when you acknowledge the things that make you feel gross.

I decided to start up an anonymous blog on the internet to talk more candidly about some of the major themes in our house hold that this blog needs to keep private. I have my writing projects prioritized and moving along; with full access to my basement study. I have a new mental memo to self going on which is telling me what is not necessary in my writing and it feels helpful; like I have grown there.

Every single hard thing offers a way to make room for something better. The emotional labor of life is real and can create a trickling speed limit of how much you can take on, can sift through, can handle, at a time. I believe our lots in life are where our opportunities to demonstrate variations of loving lie. And, with that, I finish my writing warm up. Which I originally thought was going to be a fun little travel bit about Ojai.

Maybe next time.

Words in Sentences

about raising kids. @ study. listening to britney.

by ErinLeave a Comment on about raising kids. @ study. listening to britney.

Yes, Baby One More Time is on my airpods right now. But right before it was Hard Way Home by Brandi Carlile.

I just had the most fantastic daydream (David calls them “thought experiments”) imagining Ellen leading a musical interpretation of a favorite song in a manner which involved key musical family members and influencers. It’s always when I imagine her paternal grandpa (Richard Dempsey) and the spirit of her maternal grandpa (Terry K. Dittmer) that I get choked up. Even more so when I imagine my brother and my husband completely threading together some absolutely magical acoustic guitar – even more when I imagine the voices: mine, Lucy’s, my nieces, my friends, my mom, my sisters, my neighborhood. Put a bonfire right in the middle and some Christmas lights on top? That literally is my daydream come true.

Which brings me to realize this seemingly emerging truth about parenting: that you raise your kids in a fashion that embodies your dreams and the qualities that bring it to life. This makes the daydream as good as the real thing, the real things as fanciful as the daydream.

It also seems to give incredible opportunity to considering what you put in place for their optimal living.

For most American parents, the notion that you can shift from the American Dream to your individual one is enough to cause some sort of social re-thrival.

Ok – vanille fraise just came on *which if you know, you know.

The voice is continuing to break open here on the blog. So much gratitude to Delene for her encouragement. All my friends. The ones I FaceTimed with. So good. Miss my coworkers. Praying for their brains. For their leadership and for their communications.

I’m opting to stay put on this Director gig in Webster. I need to be something else first. But I fully intend on knowing who gets the gig. :)

Words in Sentences

a little writing warm up

by ErinLeave a Comment on a little writing warm up

Not only as precursor to a writing event in my near future (albeit it is still a toss up between notes to friends, astrology bible study post (with a personal deadline of publishing to the 4 dedicated readers of that email distro) or (hopefully) a little fiction). Hashtag how many parathesis can one use in a two sentence paragraph. Hashtag Hi Delene. (Hashtag Editor.)

This post is also a refreshed commitment of sorts.

I am down in my study packed with necessities with a plan to be here for 4 maybe 5 hours. First thing on my mind to share is a deep thought scribble on the back of a check somebody wrote me for Jan and Feb yoga classes.

It goes like this:

  • If you believe somebody “likes to” “drive you crazy. Then, in theory, the best approach would be one aimed to manage the body’s reactions to triggers, use breath and grounding stances / practices ahead, during and after engaging with said somebody. Thus eliminating the variable of “crazy” from the equation. If you can’t be driven crazy, they can’t have the satisfaction of driving you such.
  • If you believe somebody “likes to” then the opposite must be true: You like to do things as well. What do you like to do? Do you get any satisfaction from establishing any kind of positioning with others? Do you roll your eyes at people? Do you get annoyed when they don’t do what you want them to do? Do you cut people off when they are speaking? Dismiss or counter their opinion immediately without listening? Do you walk away from hard conversations? Easy ones? Do you offer opinions unsolicited? Do you ever forget that the person you are dealing with has a life behind both of your eyes where they are allowed their selfs, their whole life, without the judgement or validation of you?
  • If any of those things are true in even one slight degree of truth, you probably drive somebody crazy. The question is: do you like it? If so – health check your ego. Fit check? I think is what the teens are saying.
  • Lastly, in theory, if you believe somebody likes to drive you crazy, then it must be true that you allow others to drive your experience. Though to some degree, this is unavoidable in life; in many degrees it is possible to self advocate, set boundaries and contain agency.

Here is what else is going on:

There is a Director job posted for a communications type role in my *home town* home town. I would be lying if I told you I didn’t think twice about it. I did. And a third time to boot (in which I was wearing a navy blue blazer with my hair pulled back, making excuses for my nails and admiring my new glasses). I sure do love parentheses lately. Anyway, from a mentality standpoint, I am paying attention to whether or not I rage against the whole of the corporate machine (I am the CEO, I really can’t work anywhere) or if I could get into a flow leading a part of something; like Public Engagement for City Hall. So that is interesting to observe.

I recorded a class today that will go live on Sunday… Valentines. It is virtual only and goes live at 7p central (aka Chicago’s time zone) on Sunday. I wrote it so that it could be done in bed if one so desired. And I love it. Legitimately love it. Key word: patience. If any body is interested that reads this (thank you, by the way) use the contact form and give me the email address and first / last name you want to use and comment “valentines restorative class” and I’ll register you for class. The link you get will be good for 24 hours and – for first timers, it’s on me (and the studio) as we would love to have you.

That is pretty much it. Warm up complete. Time to build intensity…. :) erin