Author: Erin

I write - all the time - mostly random thoughts on that which makes me happy every day of my life.
Words in Sentences

And then Spirit sent Fawn

by ErinLeave a Comment on And then Spirit sent Fawn

Back in March, when I was soaking in a hot tub in Palm Springs – I met LaRissa, a woman one month my senior (to the exact date, if I remember correctly) and we connected on all things spiritual. The desert mountains were snow capped, I was at ease – we ended up having a conversation not in the hot tub & over oat milk lattes before she left to go back to CO and it was for sure we were friends. Even now, knowing I want to give her a call today – I feel this complete recognition that she is meant to be a friend in this season of my life.

This season of my life…

I overwhelm myself sometimes with how much I have going at once. Constantly having to assess and say “is this aligned”, “is this life giving”, “does this feel energized and expansive”… Yet this season of my life is showing buds and starting to reveal what this next harvest of fruit might look like. That sentence reminds me of a project that came up for attention last night, a little draft I started, and the feeling of excitement I get when I want to share it with somebody – even if prematurely.

When I say “reminds me of a project that came up for attention”, I mean exactly that: I am laying in bed, I am attempting to sleep and then an idea comes up and I will just lay there and explore it in my mind. I will see it and watch it and (most importantly) feel it and some to dos, some action items, will trickle out of the time. Sometimes getting me out of bed completely…

Yesterday I had coffee with Fawn, a woman about 20 years my senior which is always a nice welcome reprieve for my psyche. I love to hear myself talk but when I am with women my senior, the fact they have a decade or more on me prompts me to listen – intently – for clues, or “crumbs” as Fawn calls them.

Fawn and I have an interesting history that starts with me picking up a black London Fog trench coat at a swap night about 6 years ago. OH MAN was I excited for the find. It was one of her contributions to the swap. That’s when I first learned her name. Since then, we cross paths at the studio and – in Feb – we got to talking about hospice. You may remember I wrote a life speech / eulogy for my friend Nancy last year and – ever since then – I have been longing to do more of those. The proximity to a person’s worldview in the later stages of their life is – again as Fawn would call it – a blessing. A humbling, fascinating blessing…

She would know because she was in fact a hospice nurse for 28 years and has written a collection of her stories. We agreed to exchange books and I took hers with me to Palm Springs. I was reading it when I met LaRissa…

Total transparency: the role of self publishing in regards to creating and marketing – the bones and the business – at the same time is challenging for me. I want help but I don’t know how to ask for it that well. I get things to states of completion and then it’s like “ok what can I communicate consistently” and before I know it, the book has been on Amazon for three months and I still don’t have a single review. Because, again, I haven’t asked. My friend Dana reminded me at lunch a month ago “your friends want to help you – we want to support you” and even now hearing that in her voice brings tears up because – well – it’s time for me to figure out how to ask for that if I want to continue pursuing life as a full time artist.

Back to Fawn. So – that whole which project wakes me up thing evolved over coffee with Fawn who, in her fluid centered sense asked me, “So when Spirit tells you what to work on…”

So when Spirit…

Spirit. :)

(Side note, @laughwithspirit is my Colorado hot tub friend’s IG handle…. and here is her website)

In my therapy these past couple of weeks, I have had major breakthroughs in regards to an understanding of capital S Self and how operating from courage, confidence and creativity isn’t a request you have to make and wait for that place to arrive – it’s you. All the time. Who you are. I told Fawn the fact I am relearning a lot of this sometimes makes me feel like what am I doing teaching yoga and she reminded me something along the lines of “yes – but to be a teacher don’t you have to be a student”. Oh gosh. The way Spirit works…

Fawn’s question reminded me that I get to partner with Spirit, not just sit around and wait. That Spirit – the Spirit that wrote A Christmas Tree Story from beginning to end – the Spirit that created the hippo and the vines of Words that Rhyme and Lullabies – the Spirit that stirs the magic of the Apple Tree… I get to connect each morning rather than wait around each night.

I get to inquire: what do we do today, Spirit? And feel the energy of that blessing.

So, today we are designing the Facebook cover event for a reading next Saturday.

We are going to start on animation for three digital shorts that have audio… ya know – audio I recorded professionally in Palm Springs.

Because I am an artist.

I am an artist.

I am an artist.

And God help me Lord, I am getting things done.

PS Here is Fawn’s book! (Through my affiliate link, of course)

Words in Sentences

On Peace

by Erin1 Comment on On Peace

It’s Sunday morning and I’m outside by a fire in some great midwestern Feb sun, a hoodie and with a jelly jar of 2019 (our engagement year) Washington red wine.

David is walking up with some dry firewood I had stashed in my vintage (2006?) Honda from a workshop I taught back in the fall. I am breathing deep and reflecting – a lot – on Kindness, its relationship to Peace and how often we are required to call these forward because there is more LOVE in our life.

That’s right. I believe as Love increases in your life, there is a shift in how much Peace you experience.

Think about getting a puppy. More Love, less Peace. It makes sense.

Just as I write this, I notice the warm body of my blonde boy dog, Thor. Gorgeous dog, honestly who is now getting pets and ear strokes from David. Also enjoying the casual sunshine on a winter morning, we all know spring is a thing and are happy to see the world turning its way.

I believe as God gives you more Love through people and through dogs, the shift in how much Peace the external world gives you is not to make you question the Love or its meaning but to draw you inward. For what more is the spirit of Peace than the breath? The balance of alternate nostril breathing, the purification of breath of fire, the immediate effects of more oxygen in the brain from simple 3 part or 6 count inhales. I mean. Peace, I think, has always been meant to come from within.

I like to say I don’t know what I am doing with my life and I tend towards the struggle of “what’s the point and purpose” but I know how it feels to stumble upon freeing spiritual perspective and if there is one thing I can offer the world, it would be – at minimum – a sample of the truth in my life that is making navigation easier. Note: It’s not making hard things easier, it’s making the navigation of life easier. Hard things will always be hard.

My reflections this morning started as noticing how self love is God’s love and morphed into how inner peace is God’s Peace. I read Psalm 13 and replaced “Lord” with Peace and broke down the words to feel applicable: “How long, Peace – will you forget me forever? How long will you hide what you look like these days (face) from me?”

What does Peace look like these days?

There is an American Spiritual Song that references Peace “like a river” – Peace as changeable, fluid, evolving. But yet, always in the same direction – always headed for it’s bigger place. Able to carry, able to be explored. Peace can look like anything.

For me, a big part of my spiritual life is noticing how my faith in something bigger than me that gives me purpose requires me to grow and change. I think of the whole process like a plant. A little tender plant brought home from the nursery and how – no matter how long I have been gardening – I always brace myself for that first heavy rain or forceful wind. Astonished the next morning how the plant seems a little stronger because of what it weathered.

Its first full day in blazing sun where it looks parched and in desperate need of water, to then drink and seem to have grown an inch.

What are you taking in? Through your body, your senses, your heart? And how is the heat of it? The force of it? Changing you?

That growth, seems to be, an internal process based on what the plant takes in from the outside.

So what does Peace look like for you today?

And how can you use that breath – that fire – that sunshine – that ease to allow the internal processes to take in the elements of life and transform your heart?

Just keep figuring yourself out, honestly. Is all you can do.
Words in Sentences

On Growth & Hydration

by ErinLeave a Comment on On Growth & Hydration

I just got into bed without a cup of hot water and – though I am so eager for a flow, that inner voice of my body telling me to stick with what I know she needs to sleep well is kindly persistent. brb.

Ok. Back. As your yoga instructor via blog form, let’s all just take this a reminder to close the eyes, inhale and check in with the bod. Responding to requests (for water, for movement, for support, etc) – is an act of building inner trust, self leadership.

Dedicated response to the body is a part of a root of long lasting growth.

And if there is one thing I know about these days, it’s growth and if there is one thing I know about growth, it’s that growth definitely requires the root.

The root of the issue.

The root of who you are.

The root of what you want.

The root of why you want it.

The root. Your roots. Being rooted. Rooting down. Digging up roots.

That’s where I am tonight: digging up roots. Examining some fundamental beliefs about home and self and transplanting them into smaller pots to keep an eye on them for a little bit. I have been observing my interactions with others lately and wanting to reign it in a little bit, be a better listener, not take so much personal offense when people maybe aren’t super interested in my great ideas for their life or when they would rather be alone than with me. These observations are leading me into truths like how trustworthiness starts in trusting yourself.

How trusting yourself starts in listening.

How listening starts with attention. Breathing. Stopping.

I am going to foster some roots of understanding that I think will really help me grow upright and strong. Like my understanding that forgiveness doesn’t require confession and how you can literally live a forgiving lifestyle where you are proactively providing grace for others.

I am learning how that whole removing the splinter in your eye thing actually seems to imply you start paying attention to what it is you notice.

I am noticing how when others seem to be acting out of spite, “trying to teach a lesson” or playing little manipulative games: I should just let them. Play along. Smile and Breathe. And if you hate the game so much, definitely don’t do it yourself.

You know, and trust that if a person really is acting from spite, their own life will show them their spite. Any time I have acted out of spite, it isn’t a person pointing it out that humbles me. I learn from my own undoing. The private moments of realization. The thing I lost because I tried to gain. Realizing this is big time game changer, especially for step parents….

Pay attention to what you notice and start to see your patterns. And then choose differently.

If you are in a cycle with a person, notice when you are about to do something the same way you have always done it and and consider it up for negotiation. If you would normally point it out, don’t. If you would normally state a preference, don’t. If you would normally share how it made you feel, don’t. If you would normally ask how a person is feeling, don’t. If you would normally draw a comparison, don’t. If you would normally (see how I am getting SO much better) give life advice, just definitely freaking don’t.

And enjoy the fact that breaking this system also gives you permission to stop doing the things you thought you had to do. Let the towel stay on the floor. Don’t fuss over the fridge. Take family meals one day at a time. Don’t worry about if one kid eats all the Cheez Its.

(Which also means: Eat all the Cheese Its if you normally would stop so that you did not eat them all.)

Above all, I have learned growth is about responding privately when something is problematic. How?

Breathe.

Retreat.

Feed.

Soothe.

Hydrate.

And remember. The body breathes, the spirit breathes. The mind breathes.

Retreat is found in showers, flowers, museums, writing, prayer, yoga, walking, running.

The body feeds on colors and proteins. The spirit feeds on scripture and song. The mind feeds on ideas and stars.

Touch soothes. Lotion and oils soothe. Humming soothes. Meditation soothes. Staying in the present soothes.

Remembering these things is the root of self control. That listening to the body.

That call and response of the true need of physical comfort and safety as the driving force in your growth.

Oh. And all of this requires water.

Speaking of which I have a half of a mug left and a good night’s sleep to tend to.

This has been a closing moment here on Frozen Spaghetti…

Signing off, the Little Red Zen.