Author: Erin

I write - all the time - mostly random thoughts on that which makes me happy every day of my life.
artist residency

When you are where you’re not quite there.

by ErinLeave a Comment on When you are where you’re not quite there.

I shared on my IG a couple months ago a stream of consciousness doodle about how growth isn’t about arrival but about progression and how the fragmentation you may see or recognize in yourself is actually the art of being whole.

The past two weeks have involved a high level of change for me. My basement study, adorned by a water heater and directly below one of the kids’ bathrooms (making for excellent water sound effects in meditation recordings, let me tell ya) evolved to a study in a neighborhood boutique yoga studio, OM Old Orchard.

With an exposed brick wall and space for two chairs, a microphone and a yoga mat, I moved in on Friday, starting a new chapter of assuming the growth / arrival / progress combo. Of being there and not yet here.

I think it is important to remember the balance of alignment. The sanskrit term “samatva” is about an even state of the mind regardless of what is going on around you – it’s not about indifference, but about stability. I have found myself very aware of this, this past week.

Part of the reason is because – like most people – the courage to take creative freedoms & initiatives rarely comes without at least one darkish night of the soul where you feel the failure of the work you were enthusiastically calling your mom about the day before. If not that, you wonder who are you to do this work – you see other people with similar work and think they know more, they have already done and given the world what you were thinking about. You could stop.

And so evenness / stability of the mind in this sense requires the self control to recognize this is a pattern of the mind, this is a survival (risk averse) technique of the mind and to take all of the energy relative to being forlorn or lost and assume it right back into the root belief that powers the inspired thought. And to have an evenness / stability of the mind in such case also requires one believe in their work regardless of what transpires. The notion that you cannot be wrong unless you’re trying to be right comes to play here. Be authentic.

Be authentic.

Be authentic.

So – one of the deals I am working out right now is how to take some of my innovative ideas for how to offer restorative yoga to people and test them out in OM Old Orchard / from my new study. Already, we have hit brakes and gas / gas and brakes and I could feel a sense of need for control rise up. The need to explain. The need to convince. The need to protect. The need to establish.

Sattva. Evenness of the mind. I think it is so easy to be in something new and recognize that it is not what you thought without really crediting the fact that it needs time to grow. How many times I have seen folks in the yoga world give up on an idea or a model because it didn’t seem successful right away, when the seed was definitely in fertile soil, when the listening was nourishing iterative change & positive growth.

I recognized the need for control and threaded it into the integrity behind the ideas. Remembered that the only control needed was self control. To be thoughtful about what I felt God has put on my life. To listen well. To iterate wisely. To suggest. To tend to. To direct, ultimately – and to offer.

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will be established” Proverbs 16:3 was a key for me this past week and will continue to be so… we only get like this one shot and being who we are, where we are and how we are. We only get one life with these stories, these parents, these people.

Using the body to notice our intuitive voice & align our actions and interactions with a motive we willingly surrender to be examined I think is the one thing I have learned that gives me peace of mind every single day. Every single freak out. Every single clutch of “will this make money”. I go back to the body.

Back to the breath.

Back to my yes. My no.

And proceed.

Till next time. Thanks for listening :)

PS: Enjoy these pictures from move in weekend. That is my dear friend Jan, who did not know she was coming to my new study but had serendipitously brought me a gift of a singing bowl & perfect fall leave & bundle of palo santo. One of the first projects is to bring the recording of Words that Rhyme to completion!! Praying for that because Lord knows I have been dilly dallying.

Words in Sentences

Woodpecker Medicine

by Erin2 Comments on Woodpecker Medicine

Blogs are honestly hard to write these days. Do I tell a story? Do I go stream of consciousness? Do I overshare for funsies?

A couple of weeks ago, I learned that if one started seeing turtles everywhere, Native Americans would refer you to “Turtle Medicine” the lesson you are to learn from the ways of the turtle. This seemed really cool and I hadn’t thought of it before. Like there was one morning I randomly woke up at 4 in the morning, made a mug of hot tea and went and sat on my front porch steps. I kid you not within minutes *minutes* a deer came walking *down the street* that runs alongside the west side of my house before turning right and going up the next road.

I woke up. At 4am. Felt the urge to be outside. Did so. Saw a deer.

Now, I don’t live in a wooded area. We are the largest lot in our neighborhood and it’s .25 acre. A deer walking down the street is truly so random.

<pausing to consider whether to delete all of this or just keep going with it>

So, that happens months ago with the deer. A couple of weeks ago, I learn about “Turtle Medicine”. And now I am writing a blog titled Woodpecker Medicine, and – really – I think it’s just to maybe break some ground here on Frozen Spaghetti before life flashes before my eyes, I’m 80 y/o and wondering why I stopped blogging these little side notes about the progress of my life.

When I was writing today, like I do on Fridays, I was interrupted by short rhythmic drills of a woodpecker. And not like the incessant rolling drilling of woodpeckers. These were little bursts of patterns.

I stopped what I was doing and Googled “Woodpecker Medicine”. Remembering how I wish I remembered what was going on in my life when I saw that deer and that I knew to search for “Deer Medicine”, I went ahead and asked the internet to show me what was the Woodpecker in Native American myth & lore. How it was perceived as providing guidance. What it meant to have a Spirit Animal as a Woodpecker.

And – it was about diligence staying after what you are hungry for…

It was about finding rhythm.

I read that some Native American drumming would start from repeating the rolls of a woodpecker and apparently carry them to meditative states. I started to record a memo on my phone and later, when designing my Friday Night Restorative Class, I listened to it – tapping my chest in echo to the woodpecker until I found a bit that stuck. My body relaxed. Interesting.

In Psalm A Day, we read Psalm 123 today, “I look up” – “I raise my head” to the Lord… where does my help come from… And it wasn’t lost on me that I received this reminder to stay focused on my mission (to spread the love of God through the spirituality of self care) when I looked up from what I was doing.

The more I have been studying and observing, the more obvious it is than ever to me that we are being communicated with all the time. I recently told my therapist that I am starting to get the whole “we are always dreaming” thing mentioned in the Four Agreements and that it feels really super awesome, but can also make you feel like “what’s the point”. She corrected me and said, “well, it can make you wonder what is real”.

When we choose to live with our eyes and ears open –

when we choose to live in a way that sees what our subconscious mind is dictating… what our limited or outdated beliefs are driving…

it seems to me we stumble like fully, deeply into our truth. The undeniable truths of who we have always been. Our purpose. Our humor.

I guess, maybe I have started to grow sensitive to when I hear people talk about how hard life is, how much bs they have on their plates, how exhausted they are, etc. Why? Not because I am not compassionate but because – let me be transparent – my life has been challenging and really pushed me to new understandings. But what I have learned that gives me peace (like way mucho peace) is that there is always so much to know.

There is always so much to experience and learn.

From my body, from the world around me, from woodpeckers and deer…

I think there is a lot of freedom that comes in the gift of observation and, from that freedom comes a lot of joy.

I don’t have any scripture to back that up yet. But it will come. I’m sure of it.

Ok. I gotta go to bed.

PS: More on how the retreat went another time…

Yoga

OM Appleseed – Retreat Week Inspiration

by Erin2 Comments on OM Appleseed – Retreat Week Inspiration

I am sitting down for the first time today – outside of my soak in the hot tub where I like to study on Wednesday mornings…. Which I would elaborate more about but I do not want anybody feeling sorry for me.

The dining room table in our house is officially retreat central, as I prepare the things from my home making their way into strategic bags & boxes for this weekend’s Restorative Yoga Retreat.

I have hosted and participated in women’s retreats for churches before, but this is my first time curating and programming a yoga retreat. It has been an interesting process, as I excitedly prepare my favorite ways to care for my body, partner with my breath and establish some sense of peace in my mind.

My yoga offering has definitely evolved; taking much time away from writing this year. Inspiration comes in waves of scent combinations for aromatherapy, creative ways to open the hips and use blankets and a desire to just sit and listen to music.

All the while, there is an active project in the work. Days go by without spending direct hands to keyboard time on it, however I do not worry about deadlines or meeting the expectation of what I initially set out to do because – well – I am the boss applesauce and I understand my creative process. lol. <pours a little rose tea out for all former bosses>

Sigh.

Remaining on my to do list today is to make a round of aromatherapy inhalers, type out my script for earth descent, record a vocal toning meditation and design a few illustrations for some stationary.

I am amazed at how, now that we are in the week of the retreat, one of the retreat participants will randomly come to mind – I’ll visualize them in their practice space or in line at the buffet, walking the grounds or reading the signs. It will give me ideas, propel me into my next steps and onward.

Two weeks ago when I thought I would be working on what I am heads down on now, I was daydreaming about a new class I’ll be regularly teaching at Joy of Yoga in Brentwood, MO.

I have wanted to teach a regular class for Joy for awhile now, but nothing ever seems to line up. One night, a few weeks ago, I dreamt I taught a noon Wednesday class. I texted Joy the next morning, asked if she had a Wednesday noon class open and low and behold: she did. I kid you not: I daydreamed and explored that class for four days straight. It was like I had fallen in love with it and could only think about this Dancing Warrior Flow class. More on that in a few weeks as it gets closer to launching.

Though fully aware there was not more than an ounce of creative inspiration happening for the retreat, I was confident. I knew – as last minute as it may seem – that it would all start tumbling into place a week before. It has and it is.

I wish I had time to go into more about how some things are unfolding. (I have a great story of how something came together today!)

I would love to explore in conversation the ways we experience divine timing and unconventional grace.

But – for now, I share with you “OM Appleseed”. Which is one of my favorite ways inspiration hit this week as we get closer to Friday’s Welcome Dinner. If you like it, I made the PDF available on Apple Tree Magic dot com. Here is a link to it!

Will share with you how it went next week! Erin

Growing up, we sang “Johnny Appleseed” before group meals. As gratitude plays such a big role in our greater connectedness, it occurred to me to offer a yogi version of the American folk song.