Erin – Page 15 – Frozen Spaghetti

The Work of Not Working

March 4, 2022by ErinLeave a Comment

This week has been really busy for me.

I researched dog kennels for hours, contemplated what I was looking for in a dog kennel for hours, mulled through my options, made appointments with sales reps, talked with those sales reps and then bought two dog kennels. Analyst skills: check.

With the super nice weather this week in Saint Louis, I have been meeting my goal of walking three miles (with pups) each day.

Dog training skills: check.

Lent started up as mentioned in my post from Wednesday, so there has been a renewal of spiritual practice which has opened my mind to understand why some of my creative projects were stalled out… they needed a foundational practice.

This feels like an accomplishment similar to identifying the dog kennels. Analyst / Product Development skills: check.

PS – dog kennels are confusing and expensive. I ended up going with a specific brand, saving about a thousand dollars compared to the others.

A THOUSAND DOLLARS.

Accounting Department skills: check. (Oh, I also completed our family’s February budget review… add Excel skills: check)

All of our kids are at the other parents’ this week so we have had a bit of a honeymoon week. I rose to the challenge of using up everything in our fridge and freezer and stumbled upon the creation of a carrot bisque recipe. Netflix cooking challenge champion skills: check.

It was about 4 in the afternoon, I had roasted carrots and aromatics sweating in the pot. The sun was SO pretty and I had the window open.

I didn’t cook with music as the silence in the house was golden (see aforementioned note about kids not being here). After a taste test of the roasted carrot soup left me with a sliver of rosemary on my tongue, I thought: this should be smooth. This should be a bisque.

Without multi tasking on a conference call, without thinking about how much time I had, without any tie to any thing, I pulled out a sieve and started the slow process of one ladle of soup at a time… pushing through the sieve… watching with satisfaction (again, satisfaction akin to the not spending $1,500 on dog crates) as the soup pooled up in the receiving bowl.

So simple. So creative. So strategic.

I have thought a lot this week about life as a creative and desiring progress and accomplishment to be redefined in my mind.

I notice when friends or fellow writers call me to rattle their projects around. I notice when friends reach out for perspective or just to chat.

I proofread a friend’s work, for pete’s sake. I am working all the time. Professional friend and pro bono life analyst.

The work of not working occurs when I see what I am doing or how I am doing something because I am “not working” and consider whether or not what I am enjoying doing or how I am enjoying doing it should somehow be what I do for work. Following?

Having been a part of 2020’s “Great Resignation” as I “retired from corporate life” has given me a freedom that seems to be wide open space for thoughts of “what do I do with this thing I like doing” or some kind of jolt to ascribe value or extend offering to even the simplest joys. I was a half step away from ordering jar labels and whipping up another batch of carrot bisque for my family members in town.

I am starting to want this time back, if that makes sense. I want that thinking to subside and I want to emerge different. In too many ways, that thinking is similar to how I saw everything I did at Enterprise. How do I get the right people to notice the skill and hire it, promote it, pay it.

What does it look like to just exist without wondering what something is or should be?

What does it feel like to simple operate without marketing?

Part of my Lenten practice has been to resurrect (pun slightly intended) my study of Yoga Sutra. It is not lost on me that the first couple of days on chapter one (the portion of contemplation) have brought the strong reminder of impressions of the mind as distractions.

I dog eared pages from my practice last night to investigate further today… to journal or reflect or whatever I am going to do to understand a bit more about why they got the precious dog ear fold. I know – for the most part – they got the fold because they were helping me remember that all of this work thinking, the pattern of needing to work, is likely the obstacle to the unfolding of the next chapter of my creative life.

Fascinating. Anybody else out there not working and thinking all the time about work? Is this an American thing???

For those that know me … I think this is the next layer of saran wrap to remove.

Ok… now on to it… erin

Words in Sentences

Lenten Practices

March 2, 2022by ErinLeave a Comment

Back in October, I started brainstorming what I was going to do to observe Lent.

Traditionally a “big season” for Yoga Underground, my LLC, I thought a lot about a Lenten Lifestyle offering where I align my understanding of the Yamas in yoga (restraints) with the actual factual teachings of the Christ.

I like calling Jesus “the Christ” as I heard a Buddhist friend refer to him this way. “Christ” meaning “annointed one”, you can’t really deny that regardless of what you believe and where you stand on the Christian spectrum, there was something kind of big about the guy.

Anyway, all the sudden it is March 2nd and I am finishing a cup of coffee after a 37 minute walk with the dogs. The morning is sunny but cool and I feel a little rushed… my 16 year old wants to go to church today and in her nothing short of demanding way about her communication; has me directed to an 8:45a Catholic mass.

Lent has officially begun and I have no plans to publish anything about practical spiritual practices under any kind of official umbrella. But, does that take me off the hook from practicing something?

Traditionally, you give up something for the 40 days of Lent and then enjoy it on Easter. Coffee for sure is not going anywhere and I am kind of thinking differently about Lent this year, anyway. I was actually kind of thinking about using the Yamas, the restraints, to guide an overall evolution – restraining from things that I do not intend to invite back.

Things like saying “oh my gosh that is so annoying” when I am not actually annoyed, for example. Or – noticing when I could easily judge somebody for their way of doing something and how that creates a whole conversational thread when I do and restraining from even allowing that thought to bud. People just do things ways I might not do them, ways I would prefer they did not. If it is important enough, offer the boundary, the direction, but keep the opinion formless.

Restraining in these ways – I know for a fact – will strengthen my mind overall.

So, maybe we just do it here? On Frozen Spaghetti? A daily Lenten practice of reflection on the restraints…

Think about it. And – if you are reading this – please comment or say hi or something below. Tell me what you are giving up for Lent or if you are even aware of Lent. Okay… off to get my ashes.

Words in Sentences

Little Red Zen

February 12, 2022February 12, 2022by ErinLeave a Comment

This morning, over coffee, David inquired to my morning practice of sorting envelopes with handwritten notes to myself in them; each envelope adorned with notes and reminders and ideas in various colored ink over the past couple of years.

I gave my best explanation of something that changes daily and realized the simplest answer is: it helps me orient myself at the start of my day and before my dreams. Fact: I felt I had so much to consider and work on with these 6 humans I love, that I intentionally started using sleep as productive time, trusting my subconscious and unconscious self could take care of mental repairs while I rested.

Yes… mental repairs.

Little context: My mental health game needed a reboot over the past couple of months. Fielding situations, talking talking talking and digging into relationships was unsustainable. I needed a bigger solution / longer term strategy so I resurrected a practice I dabbled in a couple of years back which is all based on understanding the archetypal patterns in your psyche.

I became interested in this after studying and practicing yoga nidra, yogic sleep.

For reference, yoga nidra is a relaxation method where one sleeps without falling asleep.

(Here’s my favorite, it will probably change your life. It is on spotify and apple music, btw.

PS: don’t listen to it while driving…)

Yoga Nidra uses revolving consciousness to numb the mind chatter and allow you to go inward… to hover on your motherboard among your belief systems and deeply embedded wiring. In several practices, I have had astounding experiences. Experiences that make me confident in recommending yoga nidra not only to relax the body and mind, but as a tool for rewiring patterns that don’t serve your life any longer.

I describe it to my yoga students as how sometimes you can stop a baby from crying simply by being in the nursery; likewise you can heal simply by being present with these patterns.

These patterns and belief systems, for me, lined up to a separate study a friend from teacher training introduced to me to via, Caroline Myss.

My dear friend gifted to me Sacred Contracts and Anatomy of the Spirit, Myss’ books that started to make things make a lot of sense to me.

Intuition as a trustworthy tool.

Archetypes as blueprints.

Caroline Myss uses the 12 house system as a way to examine one’s life, purpose and shadow work… this lined up with what I have always found fascinating in the zodiac, the divine’s great salt and pepper shakers in the sky – seasoning us all individually with planetary placements and characteristics.

Why not.

I found Chani Nicholas at some point in the last 7ish years and have been following her workshops and podcasts and teachings ever since. Practical. Abstract.

Miraculous. Realistic.

Mix these women with Jesus, the Buddha, Marcus Aurelius and the Dalai Lama and I have my mental mai tai.

Back to my necessary mental repairs: a few months ago, I started to feel really weak in my mind.

I felt overpowered, overrun and overburdened.

For somebody who published her first book, who was empowered enough to leave a corporate lifestyle that was only spending her at both ends, for somebody who got to pick “pie crusts or drawing hippos” when prioritizing their day – it really was not making sense that I felt so drained.

Life was so good and yet so hard. The future so bright but I was feeling really sad.

Collectively, I am sure we all have felt this due to the pandemic. Yet, I have always been enthusiastic, willing and happy. Funny and playful and bright. The sulk and uncertainty was serving nothing – was a total buzzkill – and taking away from really otherwise peaceful moments.

You may be in this place.

This place where where you are and what your life is, your age and your family, your children and their problems, your children and their children, your finances and your dreams, your life purpose and your day job, your puzzles and your pride – these things are conflicting, trapping you and somehow then also making it hard to know what to eat for dinner. Making it difficult to sleep. Making it impossible to do what you love.

So… here’s what I know. And I really do think I know this as somebody who has reclaimed her power in the 8th house :) of mental health.

If you are awake today? Like if you opened your eyes and have consciousness today?

There is purpose on your life.

There is reason to your name.

It may be smile at the grocery store clerk small (through your mask, a special new challenge to rise kindness) but it also may be big.

Big for me these past two weeks was turning that pouty perfect Little Red Hen into a reasonable, hardworking Little Red Zen.

I am going to keep on saying this: We are guaranteed nothing. We are not guaranteed tomorrow or our loved one’s tomorrow.

Time is actually factually too short to give power to hopelessness.

I believe, time begs us to turn hope into a noun.

I believe hope gets irritated being a verb or a feeling.

See, Hope is an anchor. (Hebrew 6:19) Hope is the thing we trust when we are rocked by the waves.

Hope is the thing that lets us wake up and take on our purpose – whatever size – and allow time its relativity. Its stillness *and* its grand schemes.

Today is a good day to assess hope in your 8th house of mental health.

Have hope that whatever you choose as a ritual in the morning to orient your day or as your reflection in preparation for sleep will work.

Will orient you. Will help you claim your purpose.

Again, I say, “why not”.