Assuming the Whole

Yesterday was kind of a breakthrough as I brought my project more into form – I knew it was going to be different, just have not been sure how. And, specifically, how to do it simply at first. I ended up working through a few ideas and actually got some recording done.

I think one of the parts of my breakthrough was simply desiring to no longer have breakthroughs and understanding a little bit more about what that looks like. Obviously, I can’t stop the tides of growth, but I do believe a big part of my self development right now is coming out from the analysis and just moving forward. “Assuming the Whole” is how I referred to it on my Instagram yesterday.

I think this is important because most people, I think, want to grow in some ways. I definitely have moments feeling a little jealous of people who don’t seem to have required as much therapy or mental assessment. People who just seem to know what they are meant to do in life. People who set out in a certain way at a young age. Mastered crafts and things like that. Even people who are like “accountants” and knew exactly how they wanted to remodel their kitchen are my heroes. My vision gets so caught up in inaction. Mainly because so much seems to go together. How should it all work? What is the best, right way?

Lately, thinking like this only makes the paralysis worse. Just like worrying about aging or whether or not you messed up your kid only focuses on the wrong thing. Assuming the whole flips the script. It’s different then faking it until you make it – it is more about taking everything you think you should have done, wish you would have known, feel is true about you and having it be the truth, what you know and what you do.

I texted with two gals in my writer’s saloon yesterday. One coming back from a sailing venture and one coming back from a writer’s retreat. I have had COVID (again, sigh, it was horrible) so I am eager to get back around a table with friends once we are all settled in town and safe to do so. Being bold in anchoring community is a big part of me assuming the whole.

I go back to watching my niece today, masked of course. She is about three months old and I am genuinely excited to see my little bud. Run some new material by her and work on getting this book 2 into form. I finally called it yesterday and ditched InDesign for the project. The printer and I kept having issues and I’m hopeful new software will play its part in the formation process.

Other than that, it’s been quiet at the house and is about to get quieter. We isolated with two of the five kids. Those two are going back to their mom’s over the course of tonight and tomorrow. Hoping to spend a little time this weekend recording and getting some things in the mail. We shall see… this creative process is kind of a crazy party girl to follow. Reminds me a lot of me in my twenties. Like. What are you doing, child?

:) Pretty sure she would have said, “figuring it out” <smile>


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