Sum of All I Have Taken In

I am writing tonight at the risk of putting myself right to sleep but in hopes of a rally brought about by the sum of all I have taken in. Establishing some allowance of pause.

My brain is tired. After what seems like forever, I would confidently say I am “in process” (meaning, I am rethinking the way I approach a given theme in or aspect of my life) on top of running the gamut of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs: engaging the people I love, re-joining Twitter in the spirit of being awake, all while considering the day job and organizing – cleaning – feeding – showering. (A lot. Showering. A lot.)  


It started over the weekend when an Instagram post from Nadia Bolz-Weber requesting prayers for the health of an author I knew about but did not follow came full circle as a friend informed me the author, Rachel Held Evans, passed away. She shared insight into the posts that were going around (I have been off Facebook – hard delete – for a year) and speculated the next couple of days would be laced with grief and mourning from our post mod Christian peers.


A little ahead but basically running parallel with this conversation in my life was a Friday morning stop in at City Hall to pay a way (way) overdue parking ticket. It has been awhile since I was in City Hall and I remembered that there were a lot of local Webster and Saint Louis things on my mind. Excitement for the new brewery and annoyance from belligerent opposition to Better Together motivated me to start talking a little more often with the people in my community.


Come Sunday, during hour 47 of cleaning (I believe I was about to organize a cabinet), I googled “Rachel Held Evans interview” and clicked on the first one I found: an interview with her at a college about her writing. I listened while I sorted and started immediately gaining from what I was taking in. Things like: “Do not try and start the conversation, join the one happening” and “Read everything you can get your hands on”.


A new Twitter handle, countless posts and articles on the impact of a woman my peer in age, four Audible downloads, Haveli lunch with an old friend and one Call to Courage replay during a deep dive into the Parable of the Talents later and you have a completely mentally drained me. I was talking today about “Inner Worlds” and kind of realizing as I tried to bundle an idea of how I wanted to connect that that this all sounds really exhausting. And, I’ll admit, it is a lot. The fact that Better Together was pulled the day I decided to start digging into the conversation was honestly relieving. (Not to mention that both the belligerent oppositions and the intelligent oppositions illustrate the fact the conversation is so overdue and necessary but Saint Louis needs a mulligan…)


Surfing hashtags and reading New Yorker articles and comparing favorite personalities and processing whether or not you are using what you have been given is a lot and there is no real way to share it all, I don’t think, outside of connecting on interesting articles, in hugs and by conversation. It’s like this lesson I learned a long time ago to just talk or do rather than talking about what you want to talk about or do.

And I suppose all of this makes me thankful for rest and svasana and the concept of integration and sifting so that tomorrow I can get up and try, once again, to focus my energies on the things I feel compelled to explore and do so eagerly and with ease. 


I am glad I spit this out so I can go into my next round of my evening: listening for the completion of the checklist I made for the girls when I excused myself to my room to get a little work done with a glass of zin. Now, if somebody wants to come cut the grass for me – that would be great 😉


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