Yoga – Page 5 – Frozen Spaghetti

Prayer Life

July 28, 2020July 28, 2020by ErinLeave a Comment

I cried at work yesterday. Heavy sighs. Mental block. Exhaustion. In hindsight, though it was in the privacy of my basement studio, it was a childish reaction.

I’m sitting on my front steps. I moved a wreath of dried herbs and flowers to the hook on my 100 year old front door and it looks really nice. The plants all look good thanks to the rain and the sweet potato vine is literally reminding me of my best friend.

Birds. Morning. Ya know.

I just finished a 50 minute kundalini practice, complete with chanting Ek Ong Kar. It has been since May that I have taken the time to practice. The most interesting part of yoga to me is the inner dialogue. When you’re new to practicing, you acquaint yourself and become a witness. I believe this is the majority of the work.

When you have experience with yoga, you know this voice. For me, after not practicing for so long, I heard this pleading, scared, tired, voice. And I felt the relationship between this voice – ego – and my reaction to work.

Enter stage right, my prayer life.

It has been months since I have seen my prayer beads – actually well over a year. A string of beads I put together, each with a person or a theme. Work has a bead. Purpose and creativity has one. I taught workshops on putting together your list and then shopping beads to match.

People loved those workshops. They were rich and fun and interesting in their dialogue.

Dialogue.

Last night, after a grueling day, Lucy came out to the front porch where Ellen and I were still sitting, digesting dinner.

“Why did you throw your prayer beads away?” She asked me. I was honestly perplexed. I sent her in to take care of the recycles and she came out curious about my prayer beads.

I was feeling loopy and off kilter from the day. What was she talking about.

Sure enough there they were in her hand. She showed me what she was doing, emptying a box of papers to be shredded and there they were at the bottom.

Crying at work is not who I am. I held the work bead and the creativity purpose bead in my hand and took a few deep breaths in before starting back at this puzzle. I worked until about 10 pm and shrugged at my attempt. Curious to move on.

I am finding myself aware of my tools and feeling a proverbial slap in the face to wake up and remember gifts and poise and breath. I am glad for the very real experience of struggling with yourself on the mat so that others don’t have to struggle with you unnecessarily.

Gotta keep my energetic self clean. Cared for.

Hot water with lemon.

Morning yoga.

Prayer Life.

Words in Sentences

What It’s Like to Be Married @ Last Day in Bellingham w/ All 5 Kids 7.10.20

July 10, 2020July 10, 2020by ErinLeave a Comment

When people say “pretty much the same” in response to the question “how is married life?” or “what is it like to be married?” I understand what that means. For me, however, I am married (for the second time in my life) and my answer to this question is really super freaking simple:

Good.

It’s good to be married.

When David and I first started dating (when we first started falling in love, actually – as undeniably these were simultaneous), I wrote a song called “I Choose You”.

The premise of the song is also really super simple: I wish you would tell me you love and never will leave me BUT I’m grown enough to realize a) you may be figuring that out still and b) you might choose to leave so – in the meantime – I will meditate on the fact that (no matter what the future holds) you choose me now and – *more importantly to those early days in relationships* I choose you now, equally.

Married life is good because it is the trustworthy fruition of that early “freedom to discover”. We are married not because I asked him to promise me something or led him to trust me first while he figured it out. Or because I unabashedly threw myself at the chance of love and acceptance without the mission critical work of loving and accepting myself in order to *then* throw myself at love.

We are married because not only did we choose each other to get to know, we chose to continually choose each other and get to know each other.

I chose to continue to choose David even when my most critical thoughts are present.

I chose to continue to choose David because he is so handsome and makes me laugh and allows me my me-ness when I clean, don’t clean, cook, don’t cook, and watch Avengers movies. He allows me to ask for “what happens next” equal to how he allows himself to not get annoyed, pat my leg and say “just watch.”

We navigated getting to know each other with equal parts curiosity and self containment. We were both interested and selfish. Both open minded and aware of our root values. Both. And. Both. And.

This is Union. This is Yoga. This is Marriage.

Being married is good. :)

DavidandErinSocialMedia-5 — This picture is my favorite and makes me SO excited to get our next round of pics of our super causal PNW COVID wedding!

Words in Sentences

Unapologetically Present – 7.2 @ Bellingham… in bed.

July 2, 2020July 2, 2020by ErinLeave a Comment

I wanted to be a meteorologist for quite a portion of my childhood life until I learned that they did not get to pick the weather.

Though I expected there had to be some ratio of rainy days to sunny days, that I was going to have to pick “freezing” one day just because, I was particularly inspired by the idea of picking out the perfect weather for perfect moods… celebrations… events.

***

As I wake up here on grey day #3, I feel a tinge of relief that people have not traveled all the way up here to have a several days without the Washington sunshine.

I could imagine myself apologizing and feeling responsible for the weather. I could hear my friends who lived up here at some point in their life reassure me with their, “girl – we knew what the likelihood was – it’s fine! It’s gorgeous.”

Golden hour would be no guarantee for our beer garden concert. Our morning coffee ceremony really would have required folks be as comfortable as I hoped they would come. Blankets of mix a matched colors. Hats if you need them. Your favorite jacket over a festive shirt. The irony of having over thought your outfit to be covered in a $8 Walgreens poncho. You know, that sort of thing.

***

Personally, I am not unhappy about the grey. I find the bright grey sky makes the ferns beyond vivid, I feel them breathing. The fog over evergreen silhouettes gets me every time and I love a good grey day walk in the woods.

Brown, green and grey are power colors. Sacred.

As I continue to process the theme of control that I started sharing on this blog last night, I feel the need for growth especially now. Whatever kind of experience I am in, I feel my growth calling me to allow the story to unfold exactly as the weather reveals: to be prepared for but not bound by things like overcast, timing or moods.

You know, things of the greater connected world of experience completely beyond my control.

Sometimes the trait of a maximizer can create a mindset of management instead of a mindset of navigation. Prediction takes precedence over opportunism. Maybe even causing grief where and when you could be experiencing something new.

I think realizing what you are trying to control and make perfect is a phenomenon in and of itself: it combines your senses (wow, I feel anxiety) + requires your observation (here are the things at play) + your reflection (why?).

For ever and for always, this brings yoga forward: balancing the effort and the ease. When that edge of control is sharp, I feel it – and I back off. I relax. I think of what is reasonable. I trust the fact I feel anxious means I value something. I find the balanced – open – flexible way to value that same thing but without controlling.

I more easily come to middle ground.

And ….

I feel a lot less pressure than when I thought I was God.