Tag: writing

Words in Sentences

Fan of My Life

by ErinLeave a Comment on Fan of My Life

I am a fan of my life. I realized this today, as I stood in my backyard – thinking about my husband – and smiling, I am such a huge fan of his.

Everything that is hard about my life is actually the challenge of the good. The realized dreams encouraging next round dreams. The next round dreams offering the last round’s fears. The Dalai Lama wrote something in this years planner about using fear to remember a part of your story and then offer that story up to the present. I didn’t totally get it, but I have been working at it a little mentally.

Like, for starters – simply asking myself what it is that I am afraid of…

Recent answers are things like: losing control, getting ahead of myself, being too much for people and seeming dishonest.

To a certain extent, I am afraid of failure but find that simply goes away by realizing my inner success. Little wins like a perfect chicken ceasar salad and well trained dogs help me with larger concepts like “what if I don’t win a Grammy for this” or “what if I am not doing an Oscar acceptance when I’m 80”. The fun thing about it is, those questions’ opposites are visions for what I will wear and how I will thank my most loved and cherished people in my life, how I will share my belief in God and in wisdom and in what I feel is the path to true loving humanity, a truly kind world. My cultural references make me a part of culture, and this – this is humbling, exciting – and makes my fingers type fast.

But I am just sitting here. Having my smoothie and a break outside with the dog toddlers. Which, if you are tracking with that whole story, at 8 months old and four dog park visits in, I see dominance emerging. And I see themes. I see patience as a virtue.

Patience. And the success of a simple life surpasses the success of the world.

Patience. And the love of a puppy dog fills the void in the bank.

Patience. And the attention of your children, the favor of your husband ceases all worries.

Patience. And movie nights, bonfires and s’mores become every day’s luxury vacation. (It helps to have a bottle of a favorite hotel lotion, if I may…)

I am a fan of my life. I am a fan of my family. Aiming success within my heart beat’s reach; more practical to my immediate corner of the world than with American ambition.

And…. on that note, I am going to finish my smoothie, arrange my plants… write a yoga class… and get back to work on my book.

BTW. Special Editions are going to be out this Thanksgiving. Guys. Comment if you want one. LOVE. and Thank you.

Words in Sentences

About the Oneness of Mankind

by ErinLeave a Comment on About the Oneness of Mankind

Full moon be damned, here I am planning and building on active visions… while I fold laundry, have coffee and train the pups at my feet to feel free to go, but welcome to stay.

In my last published post, I mentioned being in the market for a digital camera after tossing my iphone in the wash w/ the towels. Coincidentally, I am writing this post on my laptop on top of a stack of folded hoodies on top of the washing machine in which the towels are ready to move on in their cycle to the dryer. Pleased to say I do not believe any electronics will come up in the wash.

The room is warm, it is raining outside and I have chosen this moment to baseline myself in Frozen Spaghetti.

sidenote: If you search Frozen Spaghetti, do you get a page or two of recipes, questions about freezing spaghetti, etc?

The idea of being a human in this world, as I understand it, is to be recognized as a specific gift because you have the ability to be spiritual, have a consciousness. The more I have worked at this idea, I realize the grass is greener. I look at the spirituality of waves and or consciousness of trees and roots and I get a little smile… that sure does look nice.

At the present moment, I am planning a little open house for my sister’s birthday which is this Thursday. The home feels good, been doing about 20 – 30 minutes of wipe down, dishes, touch ups as I move through it. The whiteboards are clean and updated. There is a fresh batch of lentil chowder in the fridge and ingredients for hummus in the cabinet… soon to be on the counter…

My experience of being home and my experience of being “a Martha” (to be Christian about it) really brings out my deep motivation to belong and to please / welcome / create to invite others to belong. My core wants you to be safe and comfortable near me so that I can be by you.

And, that is where my life comes together. I retired from corporate life because I was no longer safe where I was. I did not like my humor, my ego’s active protective self. I did not like how I was becoming critical, suspicious, etc of others. I was somewhere, for a long time, and I had not grown in 4 years.. almost 5… no real markers of my creativity in flight, making the world a better place. The reason I stayed for all that time was the platform: that company was access to make the world a better place for hundreds… thousands… millions of people. The suppliers, the riders, the drivers, the people – the world around me was changing and requiring new things with COVID and I was absolutely ready to go.

Let’s make the world better.

And – trust me – I was shocked when the cruise ship of my life actually called my purpose forward. A 7th grader failing science… a 15 year old learning to drive… three new child souls in the household… two new cats… one husband, my marriage. Me.

In the change I have undergone in the past year, I am so confident. Not only in that it is never really necessary to try and explain these things.

Not only in my creativity, ability to listen, and my genuine ideas for humanity.

But in my present moments… as they come… because my actions are lining up to my intentions… my awareness of myself is making my each choice OK with me. I am trusting myself more, these days – even in the things I thought were failures, mistakes or shameful parts of myself in the past.

Maybe this will come out in a Netflix series, my sitcom, or my screenplay. My fiction may tell this story or my children’s rhymes.

But – no matter what – it will come out because it has to as living true to my self and all there forementioned is in fact a purpose. A simple one to follow, at minimum. Anything else requires more answers to questions that don’t matter to my laundry.. to my coffee.. to my dogs.

And to these here towels…

these are the days of my life. :)

<cue Imagine by John Lennon>

happy tuesday, ya’ll. erin

Words in Sentences

In a Pear Tree

by Erin1 Comment on In a Pear Tree

When I stop and let myself think about it, life is going really fast. A lot has changed, I have learned a lot and there is plenty to do – every day – from dawn to dusk.

I stopped my posting streak to contemplate the art of the quick publish blog vs. the complete thought. I wondered if a happy stream of consciousness where the writing stopped when the scene changed could be considered “complete” and I felt the angst of having to pull for meaning in order to sum things up, tie them together and otherwise leave things resolved.

In a lot of ways, not only is that impossible to do when you are in such a wide turn of change such as the one in which I find myself but it also brings the personal challenge I have always had writing on the internet: how to skillfully tell a story without revealing too much, how to be vulnerable and private, how to offer insight but not seem too much a wanderer / wonderer.

Life is happening so fast. And yet despite its rapid growth, there are crazy delays and drags which cause me to question if I am trying as hard as I should be, putting in the time I need to… am I meeting my goals?

In my 4 decades of living, times I start to analyze, strategize and organize to reach a particular aim, seem to create this little pocket of opportunity for uncertainty and friction. My controlling nature creeps in these pockets. Right behind it, is my emotional nature that sobs and cries; never really fully satisfied with herself and so she over compensates… over protects… over thinks….

AND TALK ABOUT A DRAG AND A TIME KILLER.

And I can’t do that anymore. I am retired from that type of achiever type of thinking.

My solution this time around is to just keep going, keep living. Keep doing what feels right. Keep trusting myself. Keep trusting my intentions.

Be kind. Be kind. Be kind.

To myself. To others. To the dogs.

And just like that, the crazy delays and drags that come up are seen just as they are: as realities against expectations. They morph from obstacles into opportunities to be a little more Buddha like in dropping ideals. When all the ways I think things should go are gone, things are simply going – available for attention and progress… and I find myself writing a flow out in a blog post. Confident to publish and get up. Sure I won’t re read and save draft.

When I sat down to explore this morning in writing, I was prompted for a Title by WordPress and after a couple of ideas, I heard, “and a partridge in a pear tree”.

Why the redundant lyric came to mind is beyond me but I recognize the comfort of always coming back to it, where it all begins, with one.

One life. One heart. One mind. One step. One day. One year. One moment at a time.

And so with all the dogs and cats, the publishing project and the marriage, the houses and the dishes, the teen girls and the boy. With all the laundry and the cleaning, the networking and the living, the gardening and the coffee and the music.

With all the all the all the all, there is just one of me. A partridge.