Tag: holy spirit

artist residency

When you are where you’re not quite there.

by ErinLeave a Comment on When you are where you’re not quite there.

I shared on my IG a couple months ago a stream of consciousness doodle about how growth isn’t about arrival but about progression and how the fragmentation you may see or recognize in yourself is actually the art of being whole.

The past two weeks have involved a high level of change for me. My basement study, adorned by a water heater and directly below one of the kids’ bathrooms (making for excellent water sound effects in meditation recordings, let me tell ya) evolved to a study in a neighborhood boutique yoga studio, OM Old Orchard.

With an exposed brick wall and space for two chairs, a microphone and a yoga mat, I moved in on Friday, starting a new chapter of assuming the growth / arrival / progress combo. Of being there and not yet here.

I think it is important to remember the balance of alignment. The sanskrit term “samatva” is about an even state of the mind regardless of what is going on around you – it’s not about indifference, but about stability. I have found myself very aware of this, this past week.

Part of the reason is because – like most people – the courage to take creative freedoms & initiatives rarely comes without at least one darkish night of the soul where you feel the failure of the work you were enthusiastically calling your mom about the day before. If not that, you wonder who are you to do this work – you see other people with similar work and think they know more, they have already done and given the world what you were thinking about. You could stop.

And so evenness / stability of the mind in this sense requires the self control to recognize this is a pattern of the mind, this is a survival (risk averse) technique of the mind and to take all of the energy relative to being forlorn or lost and assume it right back into the root belief that powers the inspired thought. And to have an evenness / stability of the mind in such case also requires one believe in their work regardless of what transpires. The notion that you cannot be wrong unless you’re trying to be right comes to play here. Be authentic.

Be authentic.

Be authentic.

So – one of the deals I am working out right now is how to take some of my innovative ideas for how to offer restorative yoga to people and test them out in OM Old Orchard / from my new study. Already, we have hit brakes and gas / gas and brakes and I could feel a sense of need for control rise up. The need to explain. The need to convince. The need to protect. The need to establish.

Sattva. Evenness of the mind. I think it is so easy to be in something new and recognize that it is not what you thought without really crediting the fact that it needs time to grow. How many times I have seen folks in the yoga world give up on an idea or a model because it didn’t seem successful right away, when the seed was definitely in fertile soil, when the listening was nourishing iterative change & positive growth.

I recognized the need for control and threaded it into the integrity behind the ideas. Remembered that the only control needed was self control. To be thoughtful about what I felt God has put on my life. To listen well. To iterate wisely. To suggest. To tend to. To direct, ultimately – and to offer.

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will be established” Proverbs 16:3 was a key for me this past week and will continue to be so… we only get like this one shot and being who we are, where we are and how we are. We only get one life with these stories, these parents, these people.

Using the body to notice our intuitive voice & align our actions and interactions with a motive we willingly surrender to be examined I think is the one thing I have learned that gives me peace of mind every single day. Every single freak out. Every single clutch of “will this make money”. I go back to the body.

Back to the breath.

Back to my yes. My no.

And proceed.

Till next time. Thanks for listening :)

PS: Enjoy these pictures from move in weekend. That is my dear friend Jan, who did not know she was coming to my new study but had serendipitously brought me a gift of a singing bowl & perfect fall leave & bundle of palo santo. One of the first projects is to bring the recording of Words that Rhyme to completion!! Praying for that because Lord knows I have been dilly dallying.

Words in Sentences

On Creative Commitment

by ErinLeave a Comment on On Creative Commitment

There have been a lot of sparks in my creative life – which seems promising and good. Yet, the way the landscape of my creative life looks has me curious for opportunity, wondering what is the right thing to spend my time on and curious – always – if “this is really going to work”.

I mentioned in a recent post about the comfort of talking about Spirit. Both @laughwithspirit and Fawn bring this comfortable reference to Spirit that serves my heart well – it feels like home right now more than any other word for God. But it is not complete. And I have been wrestling with that….

My friend Milta shared a post with me about the name of God, “Yahweh” and how the vowels were added for us to be able to pronounce however the name itself is “YH” and “WH”, which (get excited, yogis) are the sounds of breath… this idea of every inhale and exhale being the name of God is very powerful. And feeds what I teach in my Monday Night – prayer based yoga – where the sounds we make, as we exist as we move as we breathe – are the sounds from which the Spirit intercedes on our behalf. (Romans 8:26-27)

No more thinking about what to pray for, sigh – breathe – out from your shoulders and hips, etc.

This morning I started day three of a practice using graph paper to plot, note how I am doing in my healing journey and sit with the energy of the things before me: meetings with bookstores and arts organizations, serving my community, feeding my family, organizing big piles of shit somewhere, etc…

In this practice, I flip open scripture… First day was a fan favorite “Keep the heart with diligence” (Proverb 4:23), day two was a reminder that depression and anxiety settle in with an absence of the Spirit of God (thank you, 1 Samuel). Day two’s had me thinking – how do I nourish, invite, how do I charge and restore that spiritual alignment I long for – that feeling that makes me write? That makes me move?

How do I get back to times that have me soaking in hot water for 15 minutes to recharge my bones in between hosting family and leading workshops. I miss being used by God in that way, I guess.

Today’s practice flipped open to Haggai – never have read Haggai, tbh – and right away, I see this prophet as a prophet speaking to creatives, to the starving artists out there. The premise of the book is pretty simple: the temple was in ruins and the “Lord of hosts” (which translates as the Lord of angels, of stars – love it) is like “Hey, people, I see your houses look good and I hear you complaining that there is not more fruit in your life and let me just point out real quick that it’s because I don’t have a house and you aren’t giving me a place to dwell and so why don’t you go ahead and help a God out for a minute – build that temple – so that I can dwell and restore you.”

I sat in my bed with my graph paper, remembering my dad’s teaching to me of the Holy Spirit: the Holy Spirit is the God in you.

The Holy Spirit is the God in you.

Spirit – the Lord of Hosts – the breath of heaven – the patterns of nature – the stars and the sky, the oceans and the whales – exists with or without us. But believers in God, the believers in Spirit, we are the temples of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit exists because we do and bears the fruit of goodness, joy, love… of peace, patience and kindness… gentleness…. self control… faithfulness.

This practice in Haggai has me thinking about my own obedience in my creative life.

Today, I consider what needs to be built (written, drawn, etc) in commitment as a person within whom glory can dwell.

I intend on looking at my projects and really listening for the art that has been stirred… (“ur” in Hebrew… Haggai 1:14… as in how a eagle stirs up its nest or an instrument is stirred awake when it is tuned.)

I share all this for my artists out there – for my creatives out there – who may be feeling the starving artist part of life.

Or for the healers, lovers, mothers and friends out there – who may be feeling empty regardless of all the cups they fill in front of them.

I ask us – are we caring for our bodies / our personhood as a temple the Lord of the stars is eager to call home?

Are the molds we make in our art, in our relationships – are they made in a commitment for the Spirit to move within and throughout?

It is obvious, at least to me, the world needs us to be committed to seeing our making in this way.

For me, this surely has been a helpful reflection – nourishing and encouraging.

Happy Friday. (Happy Lunar Eclipse in Scorpio if that is your thing. )

<inahle> YH

<exhale> WH

erin

PS: None of this Biblical study could be done this fast and effectively without my Spirit Life Bible and I cannot stress enough, if you need a good Bible, this is one will be your jam – all of the content was written by leaders from all denominations.

From my fire last week, I burned the dozens of colorful flowers given to my daughter as I prayed for her on the day after her 18th birthday.