realistic expectations @ on a little ledge by my ferns – stl.

oh hey – long time, no talk. or – no write. what’s up?

to those i know in real life, in person: here we go. a life update of intricate sorts.

to those i read and who read me online: a deeper thought, a perspective.

since the last time i recall writing, the seasons have changed and two puppies have joined the mix. my oldest turns 16 on wednesday, the middle blended daughter turns 12 on tuesday – amazon delivered a couple of *i really want to tell you* today and the sun is shining. it has been a wet couple of days but, today? it’s glorious. sunny, cool in shade, warm in patches of daylight.

my heart has been leaping all morning at our dream and our vision. two adult dogs walking on taylor dock in bellingham, when we finally get to a milky chance concert, the next time we buy fresh flowers at pike’s, the sound of seattle… the coffee.. my mountain view.

my greenhouse. my rosebush. my rosemary. the deer. the neighborhood. the inspiring corner kitchen garden and the desire to be family friends with the people with banana trees and tire swings.

birch bay. foggy mornings. (did i say coffee) and the kayaks. enter back the dogs. the moss. the green. the ferns.

which brings me back to where i started (in my title) – by my ferns here in stl.

the ferns are getting there. (the puppies have not been especially helpful in this regard, but we are learning and i am praying my hostas’ safety and well being each day. MAN they like to rumble and wrestle in them leaves!) the greens of the green thanks to the rain are like fairy dust in this midwest spring. pnw vibes all the way and it’s like being plugged into a little electric socket.

on the homefront: it is a switch day which means i wind down my me time and personal growth and match it up to the needs of the collective, the behavior i want to see more of from my daughters and the way the house needs to run for my sanity and everybody’s health and comforts to be somewhat met.

regarding the publishing project: it has hatched and is a duckling sitting in a sweet little egg. designers are working on statement of work. village books and i are in a pending contract. and my list of people to send invitations to this summer is coming up daily along with the right hue of yarrow golden yellow for the stationary. sigh. my creative baby infant child. my first published work. an apple off my apple tree. <pulse>

oh, how much more i could write right now.

ideas for the future. on my love for my children.

my gratitude. my husband.

// a song we wrote. //

what i have learned in the past two days, what i really truly feel deeply now and my active intentions for the next twenty four hours…

for the next week.

the house.

The summer.

It all.

But, realistically? It is all so actively underway that it simply can only be expected that we all just live it out and report in on the big stuff.

Love live and in living color.

Ok. Peppers. Gear change. Till next time…. erin

The Work of Not Working @ Bedtime

All 5 kids are home. Lucy came back around dinner time and I heard Elle come in towards the end of the yoga class I was teaching out of my bedroom.

There is a group of about six 40+ year old women I teach to twice a month. I started praying over them at the start and end of class. We have grown into a little community. It’s a sweet, kind hobby.

I cleaned the house from top to bottom today. I think Mondays are my cleaning days now. I feel like I need to dislike Mondays just like everybody else. It just doesn’t seem fair if everybody is going to work and to school and I’m like “k gonna pack your lunch and read a book”. I want to stay relevant, you know. So I deep clean on Mondays.

Side note – Happy to report that my latest towel strategy (delivering a fresh towel on the bed, every three days) is keeping the conundrum to a minimum.

Today was grueling because I was tired but it had lots of sweet moments. I gave Kara an old black blazer from my junior career days. Ellen and Lucy never wanted it but I hung on to it bc it’s a great blazer. (I just had eventually upgraded to J Crew ya know)

Anyway – She has been wearing it since the moment I gave it to her – it looks awesome. You can tell she loves it.

Lucy got her cast off. Not sure if I ever wrote about that but she fell and broke her wrist back four weeks ago. So she got a yellow cast for Christmas :) we took care of that this morning. I put on heels and jeans bc I was leaving the house. It was interesting. :)

When Ellen got home, Maddox was all about her. Fred the elf has been visiting (and writing) every day. Karma got me for never doing elf on la shelf for Ellen and Lucy and now I have an 8 year old who has “researched elves” and is really (super) into it. Not going to lie, my elf game is pretty strong. I’ll share more sometime.

I had a meeting this afternoon with a designer, Beth – a friend of mine from church who is crazy talented. I’m doing some inquiring about getting professional help for the look and feel of my books.

The appointment was at 2:30pm. And pretty sure it was the highlight of my day.

I was tired this morning from binge watching Emily in Paris yesterday. My eyes were burning at the cast appointment. Once I got home, cleaning made me crabby bc fatigue makes me take everything personally.

After meeting with Beth, I shared what I learned with David and he said his heart felt full bc of how lit up I was about it.

Every day I allow myself to recognize myself as an artist, I become more of an artist. I grow a deeper happiness and into a more true nature.

Which is great but more importantly I need to keep David’s heart full bc I accidentally forgot to put the guard on the buzzer yesterday and legit buzzed a line at a 0 (bald) down the right side of the back of his head.

The laughter that pours out of me related to my humiliation, how extreme of a mistake I made and how kind he was about it simply makes me belly laugh. It has been my ab work out.

We did have an agreement that there may be a mistake I learn from before I embarked on cutting his hair, so that worked in my favor. I feel so bad. I’m fascinated by how bad I feel and how that feeling makes me laugh. What is that? So curious.

I just had to capture this full full day. I feel like I barely scratched the surface. Going to attempt some home made granola tomorrow and make Instagram videos of my facial reaction while I check each of the kids grades and missing assignments.

The work of not working is truly in being yourself. I have been thinking a lot lately about how many artists and writers and musicians are in 9-5 jobs for health insurance. I wonder how much better our culture would be if we had universal health care (with a private option of course) so we could have more artists creating art.

Ok – here are some pics :)

Ellen and Maddox
When I teach and they go into resting pose it just looks like I’m monitoring nest cams or something
Magic tricks in new blazer