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Words in Sentences

The Evolved Road Trip: 7 Steps to Take

by ErinLeave a Comment on The Evolved Road Trip: 7 Steps to Take

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About two weeks ago, I decided that it was about time I start planning and getting excited about a trip. My daughters and I went on an epic road trip a couple years back and MONTHS went into that planning. My atlas was on the nightstand all the way leading up to our departure and I would pick a leg of the trip and go through it in my mind. As the trip came and went, I found myself wildly connected to the intention behind each of the places that were picked – explored – enjoyed – and slept in.

So. We are doing it. We are taking a trip next summer and as I find myself thrilled I have an active trip to which I can apply my imagination and resourcefulness, I figure I will offer here what I have found to be key steps in the magic making.

1. Pick Your Destination Based on Your Vibe

Our trip is going to be rooted in Sacramento, to visit my oldest cousin and just get that Northern California vibe right into our bones.

And that’s just it – the vibe – the last time we traveled like this, the destination was Sedona, AZ. And that was to connect with a place my Grandmother always visited.

For me and many others, travel plants seeds or gives you the sun and the water to grow. I feel like I always come back different. So picking your destination based on what you want more of in your life, or where you want to be reinforced, is a wise choice.

2. Planning Your Anchors

After deciding to drive instead of fly (that was a family vote), I plugged in the start and end point into Google Maps and looked at the immediate option presented back to me.

From there, I ask myself:

a – Who could I see (friends, family)

b – What could I see (National Parks, Botanical Gardens, Cool Cities)

c – How could this be ridiculously just awesome (Take yourself out of the straight shot mentality.)

From there, I play around with the route like it was a story. I move the line around, trying to find the anchors of the road trip. Obviously, checking with people you want to see or stay with to make sure they are around.  To me – this part is the most creative part of the planning.

Also, here is kind of a practical hint when planning: think of drives you are familiar with in order to prep how you can mentally do the trip. For me, it’s 3.5 hours to Kansas City and 5 hours to Chicago. As I am planning the legs of the trip, I think “that’s to KC and back” or “thats to Chi Town and back and then back to Chi Town”. Then, I plan my stops in those increments. Secondary hint: I don’t do more than one 15 hour leg in a journey. Unless it’s totally necessary. (And I have an audio book.) Highly recommending David Whyte’s Poetry of Self Compassion for early morning departures when kids are sleeping. It’s life changing. I promise. It’s got that prayer flag, fresh coffee, open road vibe.

3. Give Your Family Options

On our last trip, I let the girls pick our route home after providing them three options. (North through Utah? Garden of the Gods? Or back the way we came?) For this trip, however, I picked the route because – let’s face it – we are going to drive to Sacramento and hit at least four National Parks, I just needed to be the boss. But, their options will come in in terms of what bucket list things they want to hit. For Ellen, it is parasailing.

Cue a pin of parasailing in Lake Tahoe.

4. Search Terms to Use When Googling Lodging

Don’t get me wrong, I spend *plenty* of time on sites like hotel.com. But here are some of the best search terms I have found to get you those memorable places to stay.

Best Place to Stay, Inn, Boutique, Ranch, Historic, Bed and Breakfast, Gardens, Organic, Good Nights Sleep, Host, View, Traditional, Comfortable, Beautiful, Stars, Spa

If you didn’t already know this, you can search in a formula. So just pick some words that relate to your vibe set in #1 and use plus signs in your search. For example,

Yellowstone + Best Place to Stay + Stars + Good Nights Sleep + Spa

5. Sketching the Budget

Before you jump off this post because those search terms sound expensive (and, guess what, they are), let me offer you a few pieces of advice.

When you are planning a road trip, you have some flexibility. Use it to pivot your anchor places on off days, so if there is a really awesome place to stay – maybe try to hit it on a weekday when rates are lower.

Think about how much you’ll be driving that day and when you are departing the next day. If I am going to do a 15 hour leg, I splurge on a really good bed at a place I know is clean that has a farm to table breakfast or something of the sort. Those terms and those expectations are what landed me here on my way to Arizona. (PS: It’s heaven).

If you are departing early and don’t have the morning to max your time relaxing at breakfast, taking some laps in the pool and letting your kids burn some energy, then don’t splurge. Look for a more functional place with a good quality standard and helpful reviews. If you see a review that it was dirty, weird or questionable – I don’t care how many other good reviews I see, I don’t stay there. No. Freaking. Way. It’s just not worth not being able to sleep when you’re driving that much.

6. Giving Your Trip Purpose: A Mission Statement 

On our first trip, it was about a year after my divorce. I wanted to “see under the hood” of my kids by getting them on a different back drop. We did no phones or video games in the car. More on that in Planning the Drive. But my Trip to Love, was all about giving myself to them FULLY present and see how they were and stepping into any kind of faulty wiring that I noticed.

This year, the current name of the trip is “Witness the Lit-Ness” (named by my teenager). I am pretty sure this trip is all about us straight up kicking it. My kids and I strike our own chords wherever we go, so I’m pretty excited about this trip being rooted in being comfortable with yourself, willing to go on an adventure, and being kind to people we see and meet along the way.

Oh – but I also plan on teaching them some basic feminine, minimalist style tricks. More on that in a future post. Basically – I want to teach my kids how to wear no makeup, a white tee shirt and jeans like an Italian super model.

7. Planning the Drive

This is the best best best part of the trip to me. It encompasses the following:

Picking what you want your car to sound, smell and feel like. Our trip to AZ, we had audiobooks, whiteboards, crosswords, maps with stickers to mark new states. We had playlists and water bottles (limiting trash, always) and – of course – essential snacks. (More on that in a future post as well).

Planning mile markers. I spend months looking at my atlas before bed, praying about certain parts of our trip. I’ll look at one leg and find my mental increment (see #2) and then search all the towns off the interstate at that increment for “best tea” or “best breakfast” or “best coffee” or “best yoga” << where there is good yoga, there is usually good other things. Based on where I am in my drive, I may search for juiceries or college campuses. (<< PS: Student Centers can be GEMS with bowling, cool gear for your trip and used books!) Last trip, I used my atlas to look for things about 15 minutes off the interstate and found the Amarillo Museum of Art which was a) beautiful b) just a different type of place to stretch the legs and c) really great for about 20 vinyasas and some backbends before finishing the drive.

I also use mile markers to plan gifts for the girls. In the weeks leading up to the trip, I reach out to friends and family to write them notes, wrap up a little gift or whatever for them to open when we get to certain places in between our stops. This builds excitement. And, honestly? Last trip, I talked about the trip so much to people while shopping that even my local shops put things in bags for the girls – lotions, kleenexes, headbands. I mean, how cute is that? People are nice when you open the door.

Okay – so – now I am even more super pumped about our trip, Witness the Lit-Ness. I am strongly considering the budget for this trip. I am still on the fence about the vehicle I am going to drive on this trip. I am considering a camera. And I am thinking about how to include you all in this adventure. I mean.

Mt. Rushmore

Yellowstone

Sacramento

Lake Tahoe

San Francisco

Yosemite

Moab

Denver

Kansas City

Home.

You know you want to come along with us!

Talk to you later!

erin

PS — THIS IS THE BEST ATLAS

Words in Sentences

This post is about drinking alcohol and also kind of about self control.

by ErinLeave a Comment on This post is about drinking alcohol and also kind of about self control.

Part of the reason I am up writing this is because the alcohol in the giant… wait.

Not giant.

Monster.

…the monster margarita that was served to me is metabolizing. And so now, I am awake.

But I am also aware of the continuity of the daily blog and the point of telling a story, post to post, about the themes I run into in my life.

So what I am going to do is be really honest about the fact that I have struggled with alcohol being the center of experience (instead of my own health and happiness) in my life. I want to offer a little more context to my recent comments about not “drinking too much, too fast or what I don’t want to”.

True to my life:

I have made the shift to drinking tea instead of wine on girls night at times where I want to see my friends but don’t feel like drinking.

I have decided to not drink, or to drink just one glass of my favorite wine or beer, on weeks I have the girls out of respect for the fact they only get me every other week.

And I absolutely do not drink more than two drinks at work happy hours.

I have decided to be OK with not finishing a drink (or a chimichanga, for that matter) even if that means I “am wasting it”.

I pay attention to when I start to drink fast, and slow down and enjoy it.

Aside from the work happy hour thing (Enterprise management training drilled that into me), these were not and are not always easy things. But, for me, they are necessary because it is in my nature to lose self control in this area, and so I take extra precaution.

Additionally, because I feel called to care for and guide others into healthy relationships with their body and footing in their spiritual lives, I do take it to heart to live above reproach. It doesn’t mean sinless. Nobody can do that. But I don’t want to lose my personal footing. Nor do I want to give power to something, claiming it makes me more willing or able.

I will have a dance party in my living room, birthday margarita or not.

I will be the first one on the dance floor, drink or not.

I will make a new friend when out on the town, drink or not.

It took me a long time to fully wrap my head around who I was without drinking and be secure in myself. And then it took more time to feel like I could confidently talk about my boundaries with alcohol. I feel like a lot of people don’t set boundaries with alcohol because they don’t “think they are an alcoholic” and they don’t want to stop drinking completely. But boundaries with anything are good and necessary and OK. You need to feel good about the decisions you make in your life, especially in regards to your body.

For me, this is not me being perfect. This is about me being who I am and refusing to let alcohol take over my experience because of the culture norm that puts alcohol in the center.

I have friends who don’t drink at all. I asked one of them about it, and she said she has simply never had alcohol and she has always been happy. She says she can see there are not direct benefits for her. So “Why,” she says, “would I potentially make myself sleepy or not understand the things I understand when I like how I feel and how I think?”

Fair point.

In reflecting on this, I have thought about not drinking at all. But that isn’t what I want. There are experiences that I do enjoy. The delicious red zinfandel. The birthday margarita. The summer hard apple cider and homemade pizza. The hot cocoa and fireball when walking my dog and shopping an outdoor market with my sister on a winter night. << very specific

For me, I needed to create boundaries with alcohol. And, if you do too, I offer you encouragement because it isn’t always easy. And if you do blur the line, use the experience – whether its the money you ended up spending or the way you ended up feeling – to validate the boundary you want. And if you need help, get help.

Just start being honest about what you want. Don’t do things just because it’s how you have always done them. Be aware of habits and patterns. And don’t be a slave to the cycle. 

Whether it’s alcohol or food, pot or pills, notice when substance is a shortcut to the experience or feeling you want.

Just the other night, I texted my sister and said “I just need to tell somebody that I am really feeling an impulse to drink and I know it is not what I want. I know it is from an emotional place”. She was great. She asked me where I thought it was coming from. In the moment, I just knew I wanted to feel different. I knew substance was a short cut. And I knew I needed to hold the line, roll out my mat, pump up the music and stretch out the kinks, and treat my body well.

My preacher prays that God, “remove the taste of alcohol from people who are struggling”. And I really like that prayer. I prayed it over myself and then prayed gratitude as the blood and breath moving around in my body and the stretches had their effect and started to loosen the tension to where I only wanted water and to go to bed.

So – there you go. And though it was, in fact, hilarious to hear the table hoot and laugh about this margarita as large as my head – and how they were going to post a picture of it in the comments of my last post where I mention about not drinking too fast or too much – it was also convicting: that I should share more context about my boundaries with alcohol and my commitment to being proud of my decisions; able to share what I do with my daughters and confident in the example I am setting for them.

If you struggle with alcohol or drugs or self control, and need help, here is a link to the National Helpline for Substance Abuse and Mental Health. Know you have my encouragement. It’s okay to make those little shifts. Get help if you need it. Draw boundaries and honor them. Don’t take short cuts. Get the experience you want in other ways. Live above reproach. Live to your calling. Shed the views of the world. Live your life proud of how you care for your body.

Peace.

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^^^ ME AND MY MONSTER MARGARITA

 

 

Words in Sentences

It’s a little over the top

by ErinLeave a Comment on It’s a little over the top

I had somebody ask me if I ever loosen up and “go crazy” – the context being they saw me as super in control and kind of like I have a stick up my butt.. they were thoughtful as they asked if I was ever just so carefree that the next morning would be full of “oh my God that was SO fun”. Wild. Over the top.

I have thought a lot about that question. My friends, good friends and best friends all would chuckle at that – but I get it. I once met a coworker face to face after much time of working together and they were amazed, “you’re so laid back”, she finally laughed halfway through our conversation, admitting she always knew me as intense.

But, I couldn’t answer that original question right. Everything out of my mouth sounded a little too square “yeah, I mean, sometimes I have three glasses of wine” or “sure – when I go out, I’ll have some Grand Marnier” – but it’s true: I don’t drink to have a good time. I just don’t – it is something I changed when I got divorced and wanted to know where my emotions were coming from. Do I drink? Yes. Do I have a good time? Yes. Do I drink fast, a lot, or drink what I don’t like? No. No and No.

But yet, the answer to the question was a hard core yes. I do loosen up. I do “go crazy”. I do go wild. Life is, at times, over the top.

And today, when I was driving east on 70 from St. Charles down to Pridefest – rounding hour four of my Three Little Birds Pandora station – I realized, this is the yes.

I use the fact my daughters trust me to get in and out of the car with me over and over and over again and I use the fact that I have a fantastic sense of timing, a logistical intuition, to kick it – all over town, all over the country. I max our experiences. I put the onus on them at times, I put the onus on me at times, and – I guarantee, tomorrow, we will be playing it all back over French Toast & the last of the week’s fruit.

I woke up right at 9am “I wonder what time it is” – (I did not get up when my normal 5:30am alarm went off) – yay, it was the exact time I needed to get the house up.

French Toast on the griddle, dog fed, girls up. Ellen’s game.

I ran over a plastic tupperware, it popped and turned heads. I got back from my water and juice run and learned everybody laughed at me (so the girls say). I expected that.

I was “that mom” with the Sex and the City Miranda hat, no makeup and glasses.

Guess what? I didn’t care.

Ellen had some awesome at bats. It wasn’t burning hot. And my dog dumped in the bushes / ivy, unaccessible to me, so I didn’t have to pick it up. A good time.

We went home. Snacked. Hydrated. I put on hoop earrings. (I mean *you dress up for Pride*) and we hit the road.

Ran through the timing of what we thought we may be able to accomplish today and switched the plans. Onto I-170 to 70 to Main, it was. The girls had some birthday shopping to do and Ellen had a craving for Valentis.

The girls bummed Main Street while I bought Ranger a taco dog treat. (That I almost just capitalized, because it was that prominent.)

We ate sandwiches. I got a coffee. I got a really really good coffee. The barista looked like that guy from Twilight – not the werewolf – but the other team, just with blonde hair and blue eyes. Young, but beautiful, and I would have let him talk to me about how proud they are of the way they roast the Ethiopian beans for at least another 15 minutes.

We wrap it up. Pridfest is next. The whole time, we are listening to One Love, No Woman No Cry, Ziggy Marley left and right, Sitting on the Dock of the Bay. From the backseat I hear, “Mom, this is so your radio station.” It reminds me of West Palm Beach. I start craving crab legs and a Southwest ticket.

We get to Pride. We got an awesome parking spot. Just like in St. Chuck. The girls are hilarious. They are so into it. Everybody loves Ranger. He is loving being a part of the pack.

And all the fries on the ground.. Obviously.

Next up – Soulard, just for ten minutes, we need to restock kitchen essentials. Mainly: Vanilla. Because… “Mom, you have made French Toast literally everyday this week.”

It’s true. I have worked 7:30-11:30a from home, then taken the afternoons off to relax with my kids. Each day, it’s French Toast. Capitalized. Prominent.

Before getting on 44 to head home, we loop by Tower Grove. To feed the sister’s cat (Lucy’s summer gig: cat sitting, hit me up if you need help). This whole plan is working out perfectly.

Home. Feed Dog. He is wiped out. Water the plants. Hydrate. In the car.

Three Little Birds radio is still kicking it.

Six Flags or bust. Because, why not? I knew last night it was possible to hit a Saturday wavelength with the girls that would be reminiscent of our 5am drive north to St. Augustine from Orlando, my Beach Front Avenue cruise, that we would be able to go – over the top.

Over the top. That bubbling over of righteousness, that radical laughter when “Day-O” by Harry Belfonte comes on as you are pulling onto Six Flags drive and the girls whoop “MOOOOOOOM!”

“This day is amazing!”

“MOM THIS IS YOUR SONG!” Remember when you made up that whole story about this song and sang into a flashlight?

// Pandemonium. The Boss. Batman. American Thunder. Ice Cream. //

My kids buy their own gimmicks and sweets, by the way. Not all of this was my dime. (Well, directly, they get a no questions asked allowance. As long as they have something left for the offering plate and their end of mom week checklist is done.)

We were starving. I was thinking.

“Burgers sounds good.”

9:15pm. Schnucks. Sirloin. Buns. Pickles. Lettuce. Tomato.

Showers begin, burgers cook. Platter is made. I am literally having an out of body experience in my kitchen as I deliriously (I said “we rode motorcycles” instead of “rollercoasters”) put it together like the most meaningful guest was dropping by.

“YEAH THIS IS BEAUTIFUL” – “Finishing Strong” – “Way to finish strong, mom”

We talked about a couple things over our burgers. We talked about the protesters we saw at Pride. We talked about how cool it was to see people celebrating individuality, celebrating who they are…. We talked about if there was anything at Pride they saw that they didn’t necessarily agree with. (Putting duct tape on the nipples, didn’t seem like a great idea to us…) We talked about how when you’re in the zone, just finish strong. Let the whole day be epic. We talked about what was making the burgers spicy (red pepper and garlic seasoning from the Soulard Spice Shop.) And then.

Of course.

We started to talk.

About each part of the day.

That was so fun.

“That was so fun”

I can’t believe it.

“I can’t believe it”

Epic.

Over the top.

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This post was not intended to indirectly answer any one person, have a conversation I wouldn’t have in person, or put myself in any type of social positioning. If you thought that at any point in this post, I thank you for reading and assure you – this is just my life. These are just the dots that connected today.

Also, knowing that driving the 70 mile U to do these isn’t something common or practical is what puts it mildly on par with some of those all nighters, backstage passes and wall scaling type of ventures. 

PEACE