Words in Sentences

Becoming a Stepmom @ the middle of sorting bins Webster 7.18

July 18, 2020by Erin2 Comments

Been writing and processing the words “my husband” more than “being a wife” in recent weeks.

Reason for that is actually super clear to me. I became a wife before I met David. In the 7 years I was divorced or maybe 8, I became a woman who trusted herself, who learned to listen, who gave space to others, who took care of herself.

In those things, I became ready to be somebody’s wife. Those journals are where I learned that. Now I can marvel at the tide of him being husband… not boyfriend, not fiancé… husband. It’s fascinating.

But as the headband went on this morning and the sleeves rolled up, I found myself excited and motivated to get the house ready for the kids. Not the girls. The kids. Not Ellen and Lucy. Ellen Aria Lucy Kara and Maddox. 15, 14, 12, 11, 7.

I get to have a 7 year old again :)

I have gotten the house ready for the girls plenty of times. Week on / week off always afforded me a little Sunday practice of tidying and setting.

But this? This new ball game of getting the house ready for the kids has me daydreaming about decorating for Christmas with Kara, setting up Aria for supreme comfort and making the perfect balance of boy / man space for Maddox’s Star Wars toys and legos.

I’m setting aside the cookie and pancake stuff. Remembering the middle girls new love of “no bake chocolate cakes” and thinking of how to make their ingredients set up for them.. not just for the novelty and joy they would get from their own basket, but to prevent the surprise of all the sudden being out of vanilla when I go to use it.

It’s fun. David is down piddling in the shed and the yard. I’m about to put tunes back on and continue my evolution into stepmom, mom, mom of 5, “Erin”.

Words in Sentences

“Full As A Tick” @ Webster House 7.17

July 17, 2020July 17, 2020by Erin

I’ll tell ya – having this quart of Oberweis’ “SUPER PREMIUM CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM” sure does help me feel better about forgetting to cancel / adjust my delivery this week which has 2 gallons of deliciously unnecessary milk in my fridge.

The kids are at their respective other biological parent’s while we seemingly honeymoon – which looks like the continuation of an Avengers marathon, an enviable selection of beer in the fridge, and – well – a lot of milk atop busy work weeks and cleaning / purging / prepping the house.

David will have you know: this is *not* our honeymoon.

But we *are* freshly married and it is sweet like honey and we are coming up on a new moon which seem to be all the ingredients of a “meet cue” where the two of us meet our marriage and enter the rest of our life.

One must also consider we are still in the middle of a global pandemic. As most surely understand: the limitations are real and the reality of different as normal is weird.

“Got your mask, babe?”

‘Got it, babe”…. tucks hand sanitizer in bag and heads out to stock up on beer… again…

***

Looking at David “as my husband” is new and different and encouraging. I feel lucky in a lot of ways.

I have always been one to try and grow and change – but this has me really pushing myself to get rid of ideas and bins of Christmas decorations, mediocre children’s artwork (no offense, kids) and dried herbs from trips to California.

We have a lot of work to do to get ready for the kids. Streamlined everything, fresh paint, clean floors, a basement lounge room. With the pandemic going on, we can’t have a painting party and – in a lot of ways – the celebration of our marriage and blending and soon to be housewarming is subtle and ours.

I miss people being a part of my life and milestones, but I think the universe is playing this hard beautifully. I can follow my introvert husband’s lead with very little distraction from the outside world.

***

The movie is on and Director Fury is about to get smoked so…

***

Scene was intense – bad guy is freaking us out . We decided to pause it and get Chik Filet. In the car at the moment and David is loving the quiet streets and finds the fact that Chik Filet is open till 10p “uplifting”.

***

Side note – we have actually been eating well. I made cauliflower buffalo bites and lemon orzo soup (two new recipes). My friend Mia taught me a salad made with cashews, crumbled goat cheese, avocado, cherry tomatoes, a little white onion and lemon juice / olive oil. But, yeah…. we are getting chicken sandwiches and neither of us are hungry.

We are, I guess you could say, “eating for sport”.

This post has the potential to go on forever so let me ask David (who is currently humming the 1812 overture at the moment) what my last line should be…

***

“And here we go round again”, he says.

***

It seems he was thinking too much about it. Let me try again.

***

“Sometimes you need some good fixins”, he says.

We’ll take it. :)

Words in Sentences

What It’s Like to Be Married @ Last Day in Bellingham w/ All 5 Kids 7.10.20

July 10, 2020July 10, 2020by ErinLeave a Comment

When people say “pretty much the same” in response to the question “how is married life?” or “what is it like to be married?” I understand what that means. For me, however, I am married (for the second time in my life) and my answer to this question is really super freaking simple:

Good.

It’s good to be married.

When David and I first started dating (when we first started falling in love, actually – as undeniably these were simultaneous), I wrote a song called “I Choose You”.

The premise of the song is also really super simple: I wish you would tell me you love and never will leave me BUT I’m grown enough to realize a) you may be figuring that out still and b) you might choose to leave so – in the meantime – I will meditate on the fact that (no matter what the future holds) you choose me now and – *more importantly to those early days in relationships* I choose you now, equally.

Married life is good because it is the trustworthy fruition of that early “freedom to discover”. We are married not because I asked him to promise me something or led him to trust me first while he figured it out. Or because I unabashedly threw myself at the chance of love and acceptance without the mission critical work of loving and accepting myself in order to *then* throw myself at love.

We are married because not only did we choose each other to get to know, we chose to continually choose each other and get to know each other.

I chose to continue to choose David even when my most critical thoughts are present.

I chose to continue to choose David because he is so handsome and makes me laugh and allows me my me-ness when I clean, don’t clean, cook, don’t cook, and watch Avengers movies. He allows me to ask for “what happens next” equal to how he allows himself to not get annoyed, pat my leg and say “just watch.”

We navigated getting to know each other with equal parts curiosity and self containment. We were both interested and selfish. Both open minded and aware of our root values. Both. And. Both. And.

This is Union. This is Yoga. This is Marriage.

Being married is good. :)