Category: Words in Sentences

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Words in Sentences

tenderness & evolution @ big table while one teen is studying

by ErinLeave a Comment on tenderness & evolution @ big table while one teen is studying

I mentioned to David last night that we somehow leveled up in the parenting world. Language has settled in, values have taken root… These things have produced consistent messages to the kids that are starting to see anchors like time around the table and nods of agreement.

There was a while where one of us would process a kid and the other would get defensive. I bet that is common in blending families. If I zoom’d in on one of his biologicals, it would naturally feel like it was in comparison to one of my biologicals. At this point, if I am correct, we have both bitched enough about all five kids and praised enough about each of the five kids to have balanced out and earned each other’s trust that it is not like we were determining who are our “project children”.

Truly – they are all projects.

In my retirement, my bandwidth can get quickly sucked up in the parenting world and what all we need to address. It results, as mentioned before, in a lot of conversation with David about ideas and what we should try and what I envision for us in a year. It also results in a lot of hands on deep diving with each kid. And it is really not efficient to live like that.

Not only do I believe in the fact that at some point you have to stop talking about it and just do the things you think are so important. But it really isn’t practical to coach each kid one on one. Teachers, sports coaches, music teachers and therapists are – for example – great ways to outsource this, even if you don’t have a bajillion kids like we do. Said another way….

I remember thinking I broke Ellen at some point when she was 7 or 8. That somehow my parenting or her dad’s was so screwed up that we had turned this wonderful sweet adventurous girl into a headstrong pain in the ass.

In my regular bemoaning that I ruined my child and now had this selfish, pre-occupied, non-empathetic little girl, I conveniently recognized all of those same traits in myself. :-/

OH. How helpful, I realized in my yoga, we are able to recognize things in others because they are in us.

OH. How helpful, I can’t open Ellen’s brain and re-wire and jump into her memories and change however or wherever she learned this behavior.

I can. I can. I can model and reinforce. Model. Model. Model.

I am going through notebooks (which is literally and figuratively the story of my life) and it has been pretty wild to read entries from 2019: gearing up toward engagement, gearing up toward 2020, so blind to the reality the world can change dramatically. Amongst all the plans and lists and travel notes was this entry of 6 bullet points I had written as advice for myself:

  • Stand openly
  • Hide nothing
  • Refuse to defend oneself
  • Feel their pain
  • Understand needs
  • Vulnerability brings healing

In this season of motherhood, I find this list perfect.

One of the prayers I have for the kids is that they all let down their defenses. Not necessarily with each other as there is not any fighting in the house or anything like that. But there is a general guard up that quickly interprets “direction” into “discipline” or interprets guidance as limitation. It’s kind of interesting. They feel in trouble or stuck and excuse themselves, make shit up and or quickly interject what they want before hearing what they want was already on the way. Like. They are “jumpy”.

I think, for me, I have to remember the change they all went through and the ways they are growing and being stretched academically and socially during the pandemic. That’s hard stuff.

I think, for me, remembering to get on eye level and inquire lovingly to their real need is essential to continually grow the trust we all have in each other. I don’t need to explain they didn’t need to explain it. I just listen, reassure and follow through. Take it on the chin. Let them think it was their idea in a way.

Living with nothing to hide – being an honest, friendly expression – makes us safe as parents. Not explaining things or offering reasons, just “Yes, and I love you” and “No, and I love you” will suffice.

And even “standing openly” is applicable now as I see my motherhood as an act of generosity. Giving and being compassionate and patient and helpful. Letting the “work” of it all be a side note and letting the “service” of it all be a lifestyle and a calling.

And with all of this, like I was saying to a friend today regarding marriage, being subtle and letting body language and tone of voice be warm and safe is clutch. Building people up and encouraging them, knowing what it feels like to not be having a great day and so therefore not being a contributing factor to theirs.

Using a calming touch and stepping aside for time for yourself are as powerful as being the non critical recipient of another’s vulnerability.

“Blessed be the know it all” is not in scripture anywhere. Man, how I hope we all stop having reasons for everything.

I am not going to spend a lot of time proofing or editing this post. I just wanted to offer an entry real quick as I read through this notebook and find this 2019 advice super relevant to my current day.

Every day I remember I am the Queen and that I make the rules for my life, I grow more something (nicer? compassionate? gentler?) towards the grind of the day, towards the expectant demands of children.

It’s not that it is easy and it is not that I have been nailing it. (Hence why I welcomed these 6 bullets into my flow….) But I do recognize a difference in mothering over time and it has something to do with these things. For sure.

Words in Sentences

Secure COVID Approach Idea

by ErinLeave a Comment on Secure COVID Approach Idea

It has been a minute since I wrote in “Local Press”.

Was listening to NPR this morning and lots of news about states’ varying COVID approaches to distributing vaccinations. Afterward, when sitting down for the morning to write, I found myself reflecting on what I would like in regards to COVID Testing and Vaccinations.

As a citizen, it is easy to feel at the mercy of the man, at the mercy of a wise leader. And, to a certain extent we are. But when that position hears options as the only options and doesn’t sit and think and speak for what is good for them, their family and their community? Eh…. that’s why I started Local Press. As some sort of entry way into saying what I think about things that matter to everybody.

COVID Testing: I don’t have limitless funds like Kim Kardashian but I do have a similar need: to register a group of family and friends for coordinated testing and quarantined travel in order to celebrate life events. It’s an amazing thing she did for people with her executive coordination and communication abilities. So, how about this?

I can submit a family and friend application for Coordinated Testing and Travel. There is an agency, of real people, who see me and my crew through the end. All parties take responsibility and are liable should they misstep the terms and conditions. With this approach, I can celebrate my wedding, I can hug my mother, I can launch something for my small business. Seems great, right?

COVID Vaccination: It seems odd to me, in the news, that vaccinations – which require two doses – are just popping up here and there. Some states good, some states not good. Concerns about maintaining the temperature, coordinating the second dose, and prioritizing frontline, at risk, the rest of us seems – logistically – like quite the puzzle. So, how about this?

I can submit an application for vaccinated pod. I can be a group of nurses, a group of Shipt workers, a group of Uber Drivers, a group of flight attendants, a group of teachers, a group of administrators, a group of any known people who need to be mobile together in the public for the betterment of all we are getting used to. Restaurant workers, bartenders, waitresses, actresses, musicians, entertainers – they can submit as well. There should be some sort of notation of these things that you received in your taxes, and you should be rewarded if you are in a public service role or education because, my GOD, have you had a year. If you have more than 2 children in your household who were virtual for fucking *any amount of time* while you had to work at home, you should get a tax credit of $5k that is a deposit into a vacation savings amount good for Universal, Disney, Six Flags and Hotel, etc. Cities should be *all over this* and investing in infastructure that can handle a safe and happy FLOW for tourist season.

I am a born traveler. I have traveled my whole life. I have slept since August under the same four corners. I either need to start camping or painting to change things up. I look forward to moving about the country (hopefully the world) when the time comes.

These are just a couple of ideas to get society there.

Stay safe out there and UNDERSTAND the news, don’t just read it. erin

This has been an entry of Local Press: a type of post I do from time to time where I offer a flow of thoughts on the news and what’s happening without editing or spinning or thinking too much about it. From time to time, I learn rapidly and humbly after posting. For that, I encourage private feedback on the ideas. If you like it and want to talk more about it, this is the way to do it as well. In general, I get a lot of encouragement to share ideas with the world so…. here ya go.

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Thank you for your response. ✨

Words in Sentences

A Whole Hour @ My Desk By the Teal Wall

by ErinLeave a Comment on A Whole Hour @ My Desk By the Teal Wall

I packed a backpack yesterday. I love my winter bag, with its beads and detail but the reality of 7 round trips to schools not only put some snags in the bag’s future but the time in the car meant – well, that I needed some gear.

I started writing a devotion series this week. I invited two friends to invest some time (3 come February) in learning alongside me as I study the planets and apply ancient text to their meaning. I chose to start off with “Generous Jupiter” and already am having some fun finding insights into Jupiter’s placement in my natal chart, the way generosity jives and does not jive in my life, and related scripture.

In yoga, there is this term for self study and for study of ancient text, “Svādhyāya”. That’s basically what this is.

I started out this post with a whole hour to write when a girlfriend of mine called me up. She is one of my oldest adult friends (about 15 years running). She moved away a couple of years ago and our Tuesday nights (when I went to her house after yoga, hung with her and her husband and kids, helped clean up kitchen, processed life, had a good time) came to an end and – with that – we stopped talking as much. Naturally, I stopped what I was doing to hear her voice and laugh about whatever BS was going on.

We talked a little bit about looking like our moms and our grandmothers and how it was both terrifying and sweet at the same time.

I shared with her about a story I wrote yesterday about two flowers: one ancient and leathery and eternal, growing more flexible with time and the other young, perky and fierce, growing stronger each day.

The ancient flower grows more flexible with each storm or beating from the sun, learning to fold and tuck and curl. The younger flower grows stronger with each storm or beating; muscling the sun and water into stem and learning to use its roots.

In the story, there are two passersby and the ancient flower hears the one passerby say to the other, “look at that young flower, doesn’t it look like that ancient one?”

In hearing this, the ancient flower folds and bows is reverence; humbled and moved in the heart. See, the ancient flower adored the young one, marveled at its youth and just thought it was absolutely beautiful. To hear somebody think that the young flower looked like it, was one of the purest deepest compliments it had ever received.

I shared with my friend that it was a story I wrote in reflecting on my own awe of my daughter, Lucy. Sometimes I look at her and am amazed at her beauty and the brightness of her smile. I am blown away by it. When I hear people say, “she looks like you” I feel so deeply complimented and, in some ways – in most ways – I do not believe it.

I told my friend I wanted to capture this somehow in a story. The fascinating honor to have your beautiful children be called to look like you. Even for people like my sister, whose daughter is adopted, right? See? It’s something in the weathering… in the expression… its an element in and of itself.

“Wow, dude, that’s deep”, she chuckled.

I sent a call to voicemail while on with her so, naturally, checked for that after we hung up.

The missed call was from a Webster friend dropping off a wedding gift and “something I found in my basement that made me think of you”.

We chatted briefly on my front porch, next to the twenty some odd odds and ends that are being held there while life inside gets sorted out. The thing in her basement was a fountain, which the cats will love. I shared with about the Jupiter devotions and she gave me my favorite of her “that sure is something” looks. “Yeah man,” she said, “you know, you’re my most out there friend. Like you’re not like scientologist out there, but – for sure – you’re pretty out there.” I smiled.

If only people knew half of everything I have in my brain. David is at like 1/3 of knowing what’s going on in there… he calls me “special”.

So – here we are now – that whole hour is past but somehow I still got what I wanted into this post: the flower story I wrote yesterday and start a little thing about my backpack. More on that another time….

In closing, these two interactions with friends are very cooly connected with how I feel having heard from a co-worker from Enterprise yesterday. She reached out, left a voicemail and then texted again and I’m SO glad she did. I was busy (911 call on Monday night, shower wouldn’t turn off yesterday, the driving… the driving… ) and her reaching out a couple times kept her top of mind.

We exchanged today and it was really nice. She shared a picture of her cactus and work space. We texted easily and naturally, though never having connected via that medium before. It reminded me of a woman named Lisa from my work that wanted to stay in touch… “need more strong women in my life” she said.

In writing this all now, it is reminding me of my last week at work. As folks said goodbye and asked to stay in touch “about yoga”… “about God”… “I like this spiritual Erin I did not know you were”… “let’s write”…. “let’s hike”…. “would love to talk about kids”…. “curious your recipes, can’t wait to share mine”… I remember feeling like OH YEAH I TALK ABOUT OTHER THINGS WITH THESE PEOPLE.

I remember feeling like FOR SURE these people I enjoy at work are people I would enjoy outside of work.

The richness of friendship is where I love to give my energy: in relationships, in conversation, in experience.

So, that’s a neat “first real week after retiring and the holidays” gusto. I don’t know if my old co-worker who texted me about gardening, betta fish and cacti realized that she did the Lord’s work in reaching out. But she did. She helped connect the dots.

And now, on to my Adobe Procreate online tutorial on animation. Fingers crossed that my flower / plant story is a little Apple Tree Magic video soon…. Man, I want to know how to animate SO BAD.

More on that and my backpack again soon….

The end. Enjoy one of my favorite pictures of Lucy. Flying back from LA after her 10 y/o “mom and me” birthday trip.