What It’s Like to Be Married @ Last Day in Bellingham w/ All 5 Kids 7.10.20

When people say “pretty much the same” in response to the question “how is married life?” or “what is it like to be married?” I understand what that means. For me, however, I am married (for the second time in my life) and my answer to this question is really super freaking simple:

Good.

It’s good to be married.

When David and I first started dating (when we first started falling in love, actually – as undeniably these were simultaneous), I wrote a song called “I Choose You”.

The premise of the song is also really super simple: I wish you would tell me you love and never will leave me BUT I’m grown enough to realize a) you may be figuring that out still and b) you might choose to leave so – in the meantime – I will meditate on the fact that (no matter what the future holds) you choose me now and – *more importantly to those early days in relationships* I choose you now, equally.

Married life is good because it is the trustworthy fruition of that early “freedom to discover”. We are married not because I asked him to promise me something or led him to trust me first while he figured it out. Or because I unabashedly threw myself at the chance of love and acceptance without the mission critical work of loving and accepting myself in order to *then* throw myself at love.

We are married because not only did we choose each other to get to know, we chose to continually choose each other and get to know each other.

I chose to continue to choose David even when my most critical thoughts are present.

I chose to continue to choose David because he is so handsome and makes me laugh and allows me my me-ness when I clean, don’t clean, cook, don’t cook, and watch Avengers movies. He allows me to ask for “what happens next” equal to how he allows himself to not get annoyed, pat my leg and say “just watch.”

We navigated getting to know each other with equal parts curiosity and self containment. We were both interested and selfish. Both open minded and aware of our root values. Both. And. Both. And.

This is Union. This is Yoga. This is Marriage.

Being married is good. :)

 

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This picture is my favorite and makes me SO excited to get our next round of pics of our super causal PNW COVID wedding!

“In my opinion” – 7.7.20 front seat of the truck, Fairhaven

David doesn’t want a bite of my cookie because it’s a sugar cookie with rainbow sprinkles and “sprinkles are stupid”.

In more extreme moments of rejecting desserts with rainbow sprinkles, he has offered to me rationales such like sprinkles are “pointless” and “from the devil”.

(lol)

It’s funny because he is mildly serious when he says these things. He really won’t eat a bite of the perfectly balanced buttered cookie with that delicate sprinkle crunch.

“Crunch?” He interrogates my description, “Walnuts give you crunch, not *ssprheenkles*.”

He annunciates “sprinkles” with an emphasis on the H that isn’t in it to begin with and a draw at the end that makes it sound like he is swallowing the word.

“In my opinion…” he continues, “a proper cookie…”

And I smile. “In my opinion”.

Praise the Lord, he knows that everything out of his mouth about proper cookies is in his opinion.

“You’re entitled to yours” he offers, generously.

I laugh. I know. And as I accept that he, like Ellen, really doesn’t like sprinkles. I know he respects the fact that I find complete joy in them.

The beauty that neither of us is right except right by ourselves, is a treasure. I have had friendships where this was not the case: “In my opinion” was a Fox News fact… cause for endless debate.

He is ordering a poké bowl now from a go to dinner spot. I had a banana walnut ice cream cone for dinner (omg it was good…) and I had a half of this cookie…

…see, don’t you want a bite?

Sitting On the Deck @ Bellingham On the Deck 7.5.20

My thoughts today are filled with things like needing dinner plates at our house in Webster, how I can get rid of the hutch in the dining room now that I have this little laptop, cleaning the basement and getting it ready for either the drum kit or maybe work space, definitely lounge space.

Thinking about the house up here in Washington and how I am starting to know exactly how I want to redo the kitchen. How to open up this little corner that gets so cramped, how to make the space feel as big as it is, how to set it up to serve 7+ mouthfuls buffet style.

Thinking about registering Ford blood kids for school in the fall, what to plan my schedule to be like to give some 1:1 regularly to all five- see what they are learning, manage distance learning, see how they are. Which leads me to thinking about the people in St. Louis I need to call on for help, to pick up teens for coffee or have some sort of play date with our 7 year old and theirs.

I know a lot of people with 6 – 8 year olds… that feels lucky for Maddox.

I am thinking about bigger plans for both houses. Patios and my ideal laundry set up. Which prompts me to go downstairs and switch out a load of laundry. While I’m at it, I throw some comet on the shower floor to come back and scrub up in a bit.

David is in the kitchen doing the dishes from yesterday. We grilled pizzas and some ribs… some corn, too… Ah, <smiling> he is making sausage and grits too at the moment. I’m on the deck in the sunshine. Reminding myself that all of this happens one step at a time and feeling really proud of myself for sitting still.

I am thinking about this idea my sister sent me to put a “registry of things” together that is all encompassing: acts of service, things we need, etc. That might be helpful, just to even have to keep track of ourselves… Plus don’t you get a discount when you buy off your own registry?

(“Interesting”… I can hear David saying when he hears that… )

The pace here is nice and easy. Was supposed to be heading to Sacramento this evening but due to Covid, we are punting that visit to cousins for a later, more safer point in time. Plus, we got married on Friday so it feels right to not split up and – even better – we booked us both coming to STL to get Ellen and Lucy home to their dad for a bit.

David and I took the kayaks out this morning and I am actually pretty grateful today isn’t a leaving day.

David just came out to sit with me, he brought me a bowl of eggs, grits and sausage and some warmed up coffee. Going to talk with him now and see about our plans for the day. It’s absolutely gorgeous out and we are thinking about hitting up this local farm and taking the kids to hike a cove that gives you a view out into the bay, over to Canada and hopefully of some mountains since it is clear out.

That’s all for now :)