here we are, day four. an official record.

I am writing outside this morning – a Tuesday, on the week of a full moon. (in Aquarius, for those interested).

The pot of geraniums to my left reminds me to focus and the puppies are inside, if they freak out – I will hear them. If they are wrestling, I will not. They have received an hour of household training (stay on your blanket, good manners in the kitchen kind of thing while also remotely attempting to stay in one place when I am at the dining table… “blanket sovereignty” during rest time…. Jesus take the wheels… paws… whatever)

Since Sunday, I have spent so much time on my personal blogosphere. Going through old Facebook profile pics, feeling flashbacks to MySpace and designing my websites in my official (dare I say brand) personal color swabs that will be the foundation for all of my upcoming creative releases. Spotify album covering Sam Cooke and Milky Chance? Probably in “Ojai Sand”. Book of lullabye lyrics full of sketches of my best friends and their children or mothers? Probably in my “other worldly / galaxy lilac”.

Apparently Jeff Bezos is flying to outer space and I am sitting here establishing my inner world.

My husband and I were talking about Bezos this morning (a persona who otherwise gets little airtime in our household) and there was something said by one of us to the effect of “if you are that rich, you should be making the world a better place for others.”

It threw me back to a conversation I had yesterday with a good friend of mine out of North Carolina, USA. I shared with her a looming idea I have for a professional essay (read: taking yourself seriously attempt at the New Yorker or other in flight read…) and her response was “but don’t you think that is true because of privilege?”

(PS I came inside and the dogs, in fact, are wrestling)

The answer to her question was a yes and no, both / and situation. And I unpacked it – probably way more than I knew was coming – on the phone.

I bring this up because, then this morning I was walking through my gardens which are both less than and more and I grew really curious about the possibilities in my life, right now, with my resources. Financial? Sure, to a certain extent. But more so fueled by the creativity, craftsmanship and willingness present in my household; namely coming from the marriage I am in with my husband.

It’s with this that I had what felt like a genius, frivolous, idea for a modification to the house which – to a certain extent – screams “don’t you have something better to do with that money” (or time or resources, you get the point.) but that I felt, if I figured out how to do this seemingly frivolous modification, I would pave the way for essentials to become more readily available to those starting off.

Kind of – I think in some way – like Jeff Bezos?

Anyway. I made a little more coffee this morning when I got back from the walk I took the dogs on. Got handfuls of comments and compliments on “the puppies” and I always feel really excited about that, it’s empowering. It has that same charge that happens when I tell a woman totally working it coming out of Target that she is gorgeous or that I absolutely love her style. That “oh my gosh, girl – THANK YOU – that honestly made my day.” Just, for me at the park, a little less Naomi Campbell and more Brianna Madia.

I have a handful of things to do with my creative morning: bring up some stationary supplies, capture a devotion from class last night and figure out whether I want to do a devotional for this upcoming Full Moon. All of this has a center of gravity that boils down to THE email I send to my email list to start this whole thing moving. I have been sitting on it for months – an invitation to stay subscribed and for what reason or to unsubscribe. Insight into which of those early supporters has missed local community, fellowship yoga and experimental / experiential prayer and service. In other words, I am about to find out who is still a part of Yoga Underground – a network of believers and doers of good who sometimes like to stretch, have tea or take a walk / hike / see something beautiful together.

<pours a little liquor out for my Meet Up Group, deleted a few years back>

I just heard a dog gag which tells me, though the wrestling is over, the party ain’t so I need to go.

Thanks for being here and I’ll make plans to talk to you tomorrow. :) still in pencil, but plans nonetheless.

airports and big rocks @ my parents’ house on a spring day

last night i asked david for his thoughts on me buying a plane ticket and immediately cancelling it just to buy a plane ticket. just now, sitting on my parents’ screened in porch on a march day where the sun and the breeze work together to both comfort and remind you of your need for comfort, i had a pulse of longing for that way you feel when you deplane, work your way through that familiar yet unfamiliar corridor with your suitcase of exactly what you believe you need for however long you planned for.

it’s a feeling of novelty meeting intimacy and exploration using roots. travel. travel, i love you.

on my instagram story this morning, i shared how – in surveying my mom’s backyard for a place to sit and do a little reading and doodling – i realized my obvious choice of: on the creek bed rocks. i shared some of my favorite sits across malibu, ojai, palo verdes, washington state bays, florida beaches.

pretty sure it was after that little picture hunt i had my craving for an airport, that feeling of my travel charms against my chest and the smell of whatever essential oil i chose to accompany my journey. the feel of too much starbucks, a new time zone and the excitement – focus – and anxieties of travelers around me.

i love people. the people i meet on travel have a special folder in my icloud. confident young girls, old graceful men, foreign women who are beyond elegant in their simple cosmopolitan ways. the sunglasses, the water bottles, the caps. the shoes.

i always notice peoples shoes when traveling. i take pictures of my hikers by rocks. i marvel at who people are when in common commute: who are you and why are you going where i am going? though not the one who initiates conversation; i might ask you a question or offer a thread of thought, of appreciation, or compliment.

i think travel is when the real spiritual work of moving people from one place to another happens. it’s an ancient thing: moving from one coordinate to another. and the astonishing truth that a moment with a stranger can change a person’s life, an annoying stranger can give you the patience life lesson of a lifetime, a new food or cultural attribute can inspire a whole new chapter in your life.

i have always said i love travel because it allows you to see yourself against a different backdrop than your ordinary one. things you love and did not realize you love, you will find when you travel. the things you do consistently – that are a part of your being – you do when you travel. the things you need more of in your life, you come across and cherish when you travel. you become when you travel.

today? i traveled to my mom’s creek. i read a myth about how two constellations came to be based on native american folklore. i laid out a half of one of my poems for my publishing project. i drank coffee. i felt chills.

where will you travel today to feel something different? to love what you love? to be who you are?

San Fran, CA – 2019 (SFO)

fullsizeoutput_d8b7.jpegHave you seen Ellen lately? This is her back in June – perfectly packed – at ease on our BART commute to Union Square for a 46 hour stint in San Francisco.

This picture is so rich to me. And perhaps I am reflecting on her because I have been in her room doing some deep “have you really been dusting” cleaning. Her room got to the point last week that it was just time to be rearranged, re-thought, evolved.

I sit (absolutely covered in dust) with a Starburst wrapper stuck on the bottom of my bare left foot and am in awe of how I am more in love with my oldest child than ever.

As I prepare to bring a bin up to start gathering up her nursery items, her kid room items, and leave it minimal – cool – updated, I realize the extent to which she and I have a decade behind us. For the most part, I know when and where she got things. I know the sentimental value behind the items in her room from her mom: items I made her because I love the little things like her sense of time and her feet.

For example, I printed this picture of her feet (one arch folded over the other, the way they still end up when she sleeps curled up on her belly) which were soles up at me while I was driving her and her sister across the country. It was taken in our van, she was dozing in the front seat in such a way that her perfect feet were nestled next to the road atlas. I decoupaged the picture onto a little box that now stores her guitar picks.

Ellen and travel just go together. (Along with her need for sleep.)

As I round out my thirties, I realize just how much the hard parts of my life are more easily navigated when I use what comes easy to me or how they are more fun and enriching when I incorporate what I love; what “just goes with” who I am.

Likewise, I recognize the effort in the ease. I hope she learns this relationship between easy and hard things early. How the surrender and the edge work together. Yet sometimes I think she already knows on a deeper level how to let go and be in the still moments that come.

Still moments like when you are waiting for when the BART will finally take off through the painted neighborhoods, to the heart of San Francisco. A city that provides a shared pulse for me and Ellen.

San Fran gets her the same way it gets me. It is a pure kind of connection that puts a person at ease before ever having arrived.

That’s it for now. #backtocleaning #sanfrancisco