Fan of My Life

I am a fan of my life. I realized this today, as I stood in my backyard – thinking about my husband – and smiling, I am such a huge fan of his.

Everything that is hard about my life is actually the challenge of the good. The realized dreams encouraging next round dreams. The next round dreams offering the last round’s fears. The Dalai Lama wrote something in this years planner about using fear to remember a part of your story and then offer that story up to the present. I didn’t totally get it, but I have been working at it a little mentally.

Like, for starters – simply asking myself what it is that I am afraid of…

Recent answers are things like: losing control, getting ahead of myself, being too much for people and seeming dishonest.

To a certain extent, I am afraid of failure but find that simply goes away by realizing my inner success. Little wins like a perfect chicken ceasar salad and well trained dogs help me with larger concepts like “what if I don’t win a Grammy for this” or “what if I am not doing an Oscar acceptance when I’m 80”. The fun thing about it is, those questions’ opposites are visions for what I will wear and how I will thank my most loved and cherished people in my life, how I will share my belief in God and in wisdom and in what I feel is the path to true loving humanity, a truly kind world. My cultural references make me a part of culture, and this – this is humbling, exciting – and makes my fingers type fast.

But I am just sitting here. Having my smoothie and a break outside with the dog toddlers. Which, if you are tracking with that whole story, at 8 months old and four dog park visits in, I see dominance emerging. And I see themes. I see patience as a virtue.

Patience. And the success of a simple life surpasses the success of the world.

Patience. And the love of a puppy dog fills the void in the bank.

Patience. And the attention of your children, the favor of your husband ceases all worries.

Patience. And movie nights, bonfires and s’mores become every day’s luxury vacation. (It helps to have a bottle of a favorite hotel lotion, if I may…)

I am a fan of my life. I am a fan of my family. Aiming success within my heart beat’s reach; more practical to my immediate corner of the world than with American ambition.

And…. on that note, I am going to finish my smoothie, arrange my plants… write a yoga class… and get back to work on my book.

BTW. Special Editions are going to be out this Thanksgiving. Guys. Comment if you want one. LOVE. and Thank you.

About the Oneness of Mankind

Full moon be damned, here I am planning and building on active visions… while I fold laundry, have coffee and train the pups at my feet to feel free to go, but welcome to stay.

In my last published post, I mentioned being in the market for a digital camera after tossing my iphone in the wash w/ the towels. Coincidentally, I am writing this post on my laptop on top of a stack of folded hoodies on top of the washing machine in which the towels are ready to move on in their cycle to the dryer. Pleased to say I do not believe any electronics will come up in the wash.

The room is warm, it is raining outside and I have chosen this moment to baseline myself in Frozen Spaghetti.

sidenote: If you search Frozen Spaghetti, do you get a page or two of recipes, questions about freezing spaghetti, etc?

The idea of being a human in this world, as I understand it, is to be recognized as a specific gift because you have the ability to be spiritual, have a consciousness. The more I have worked at this idea, I realize the grass is greener. I look at the spirituality of waves and or consciousness of trees and roots and I get a little smile… that sure does look nice.

At the present moment, I am planning a little open house for my sister’s birthday which is this Thursday. The home feels good, been doing about 20 – 30 minutes of wipe down, dishes, touch ups as I move through it. The whiteboards are clean and updated. There is a fresh batch of lentil chowder in the fridge and ingredients for hummus in the cabinet… soon to be on the counter…

My experience of being home and my experience of being “a Martha” (to be Christian about it) really brings out my deep motivation to belong and to please / welcome / create to invite others to belong. My core wants you to be safe and comfortable near me so that I can be by you.

And, that is where my life comes together. I retired from corporate life because I was no longer safe where I was. I did not like my humor, my ego’s active protective self. I did not like how I was becoming critical, suspicious, etc of others. I was somewhere, for a long time, and I had not grown in 4 years.. almost 5… no real markers of my creativity in flight, making the world a better place. The reason I stayed for all that time was the platform: that company was access to make the world a better place for hundreds… thousands… millions of people. The suppliers, the riders, the drivers, the people – the world around me was changing and requiring new things with COVID and I was absolutely ready to go.

Let’s make the world better.

And – trust me – I was shocked when the cruise ship of my life actually called my purpose forward. A 7th grader failing science… a 15 year old learning to drive… three new child souls in the household… two new cats… one husband, my marriage. Me.

In the change I have undergone in the past year, I am so confident. Not only in that it is never really necessary to try and explain these things.

Not only in my creativity, ability to listen, and my genuine ideas for humanity.

But in my present moments… as they come… because my actions are lining up to my intentions… my awareness of myself is making my each choice OK with me. I am trusting myself more, these days – even in the things I thought were failures, mistakes or shameful parts of myself in the past.

Maybe this will come out in a Netflix series, my sitcom, or my screenplay. My fiction may tell this story or my children’s rhymes.

But – no matter what – it will come out because it has to as living true to my self and all there forementioned is in fact a purpose. A simple one to follow, at minimum. Anything else requires more answers to questions that don’t matter to my laundry.. to my coffee.. to my dogs.

And to these here towels…

these are the days of my life. :)

<cue Imagine by John Lennon>

happy tuesday, ya’ll. erin

here we are, day four. an official record.

I am writing outside this morning – a Tuesday, on the week of a full moon. (in Aquarius, for those interested).

The pot of geraniums to my left reminds me to focus and the puppies are inside, if they freak out – I will hear them. If they are wrestling, I will not. They have received an hour of household training (stay on your blanket, good manners in the kitchen kind of thing while also remotely attempting to stay in one place when I am at the dining table… “blanket sovereignty” during rest time…. Jesus take the wheels… paws… whatever)

Since Sunday, I have spent so much time on my personal blogosphere. Going through old Facebook profile pics, feeling flashbacks to MySpace and designing my websites in my official (dare I say brand) personal color swabs that will be the foundation for all of my upcoming creative releases. Spotify album covering Sam Cooke and Milky Chance? Probably in “Ojai Sand”. Book of lullabye lyrics full of sketches of my best friends and their children or mothers? Probably in my “other worldly / galaxy lilac”.

Apparently Jeff Bezos is flying to outer space and I am sitting here establishing my inner world.

My husband and I were talking about Bezos this morning (a persona who otherwise gets little airtime in our household) and there was something said by one of us to the effect of “if you are that rich, you should be making the world a better place for others.”

It threw me back to a conversation I had yesterday with a good friend of mine out of North Carolina, USA. I shared with her a looming idea I have for a professional essay (read: taking yourself seriously attempt at the New Yorker or other in flight read…) and her response was “but don’t you think that is true because of privilege?”

(PS I came inside and the dogs, in fact, are wrestling)

The answer to her question was a yes and no, both / and situation. And I unpacked it – probably way more than I knew was coming – on the phone.

I bring this up because, then this morning I was walking through my gardens which are both less than and more and I grew really curious about the possibilities in my life, right now, with my resources. Financial? Sure, to a certain extent. But more so fueled by the creativity, craftsmanship and willingness present in my household; namely coming from the marriage I am in with my husband.

It’s with this that I had what felt like a genius, frivolous, idea for a modification to the house which – to a certain extent – screams “don’t you have something better to do with that money” (or time or resources, you get the point.) but that I felt, if I figured out how to do this seemingly frivolous modification, I would pave the way for essentials to become more readily available to those starting off.

Kind of – I think in some way – like Jeff Bezos?

Anyway. I made a little more coffee this morning when I got back from the walk I took the dogs on. Got handfuls of comments and compliments on “the puppies” and I always feel really excited about that, it’s empowering. It has that same charge that happens when I tell a woman totally working it coming out of Target that she is gorgeous or that I absolutely love her style. That “oh my gosh, girl – THANK YOU – that honestly made my day.” Just, for me at the park, a little less Naomi Campbell and more Brianna Madia.

I have a handful of things to do with my creative morning: bring up some stationary supplies, capture a devotion from class last night and figure out whether I want to do a devotional for this upcoming Full Moon. All of this has a center of gravity that boils down to THE email I send to my email list to start this whole thing moving. I have been sitting on it for months – an invitation to stay subscribed and for what reason or to unsubscribe. Insight into which of those early supporters has missed local community, fellowship yoga and experimental / experiential prayer and service. In other words, I am about to find out who is still a part of Yoga Underground – a network of believers and doers of good who sometimes like to stretch, have tea or take a walk / hike / see something beautiful together.

<pours a little liquor out for my Meet Up Group, deleted a few years back>

I just heard a dog gag which tells me, though the wrestling is over, the party ain’t so I need to go.

Thanks for being here and I’ll make plans to talk to you tomorrow. :) still in pencil, but plans nonetheless.