here we are, day four. an official record.

I am writing outside this morning – a Tuesday, on the week of a full moon. (in Aquarius, for those interested).

The pot of geraniums to my left reminds me to focus and the puppies are inside, if they freak out – I will hear them. If they are wrestling, I will not. They have received an hour of household training (stay on your blanket, good manners in the kitchen kind of thing while also remotely attempting to stay in one place when I am at the dining table… “blanket sovereignty” during rest time…. Jesus take the wheels… paws… whatever)

Since Sunday, I have spent so much time on my personal blogosphere. Going through old Facebook profile pics, feeling flashbacks to MySpace and designing my websites in my official (dare I say brand) personal color swabs that will be the foundation for all of my upcoming creative releases. Spotify album covering Sam Cooke and Milky Chance? Probably in “Ojai Sand”. Book of lullabye lyrics full of sketches of my best friends and their children or mothers? Probably in my “other worldly / galaxy lilac”.

Apparently Jeff Bezos is flying to outer space and I am sitting here establishing my inner world.

My husband and I were talking about Bezos this morning (a persona who otherwise gets little airtime in our household) and there was something said by one of us to the effect of “if you are that rich, you should be making the world a better place for others.”

It threw me back to a conversation I had yesterday with a good friend of mine out of North Carolina, USA. I shared with her a looming idea I have for a professional essay (read: taking yourself seriously attempt at the New Yorker or other in flight read…) and her response was “but don’t you think that is true because of privilege?”

(PS I came inside and the dogs, in fact, are wrestling)

The answer to her question was a yes and no, both / and situation. And I unpacked it – probably way more than I knew was coming – on the phone.

I bring this up because, then this morning I was walking through my gardens which are both less than and more and I grew really curious about the possibilities in my life, right now, with my resources. Financial? Sure, to a certain extent. But more so fueled by the creativity, craftsmanship and willingness present in my household; namely coming from the marriage I am in with my husband.

It’s with this that I had what felt like a genius, frivolous, idea for a modification to the house which – to a certain extent – screams “don’t you have something better to do with that money” (or time or resources, you get the point.) but that I felt, if I figured out how to do this seemingly frivolous modification, I would pave the way for essentials to become more readily available to those starting off.

Kind of – I think in some way – like Jeff Bezos?

Anyway. I made a little more coffee this morning when I got back from the walk I took the dogs on. Got handfuls of comments and compliments on “the puppies” and I always feel really excited about that, it’s empowering. It has that same charge that happens when I tell a woman totally working it coming out of Target that she is gorgeous or that I absolutely love her style. That “oh my gosh, girl – THANK YOU – that honestly made my day.” Just, for me at the park, a little less Naomi Campbell and more Brianna Madia.

I have a handful of things to do with my creative morning: bring up some stationary supplies, capture a devotion from class last night and figure out whether I want to do a devotional for this upcoming Full Moon. All of this has a center of gravity that boils down to THE email I send to my email list to start this whole thing moving. I have been sitting on it for months – an invitation to stay subscribed and for what reason or to unsubscribe. Insight into which of those early supporters has missed local community, fellowship yoga and experimental / experiential prayer and service. In other words, I am about to find out who is still a part of Yoga Underground – a network of believers and doers of good who sometimes like to stretch, have tea or take a walk / hike / see something beautiful together.

<pours a little liquor out for my Meet Up Group, deleted a few years back>

I just heard a dog gag which tells me, though the wrestling is over, the party ain’t so I need to go.

Thanks for being here and I’ll make plans to talk to you tomorrow. :) still in pencil, but plans nonetheless.

About Easter

The more I have come to live, the more I have come to realize that in waves of doubt or despair – literally equal in that moment – are hope and celebration.

The church has failed so many people and Easter really is simply undoubtedly a celebration of spring, light after darkness, new life and the mystery of creation… the joy you feel when the green of your hostas or ferns, the yellow of your tulips or lillies straight up usher in the first real day of winter being over.

These are undebatable truths. These can be communally celebrated, witnessed and experienced.

But about Easter.

I am an Easter person. And it’s not because I was raised on lyrics like “veiled in flesh the Godhead see” or “Christ the Lord has RISEN TODAY – ALLELUIA”. Which built an understanding of a savior and my need to be saved.

And though I am suspicious to believe I am Easter person because I have experienced ruach – spirit – pranayama in the humbly low brass tones of // crown him with many crowns – the lamb upon the throne // and how (even in this very moment) I am moved to tears thinking of how love is bigger than me, love requires faith, and so LOVE must be DIVINE. Holy. Recognition worthy. Eyes closed feel it worthy, divine. I know it’s not just that.

No. I think deep in my bones I am an Easter person because I know moments in my life where I have experienced a different, more peaceful or positive, emotion after a terribly anxious, fearful one have been moments where I have sacrificed, let the bad guys have their way while keeping my belief, or where I held the hand of a dying woman to then witness the peace of her dead body; her spirit obviously not there.

Maybe religious Easter coincided with seeing Christ energy in the sun, the green, the grass. Or feeling the open hearts of those experiencing beautify after thunder, darkness and silence. Maybe we should all scale it back out of headlined beliefs and generational religion and feel what we know to be true: the natural cycle of new life coming after death.

I am an Easter person. A finder and lover of the silver lining. A collector of rocks, an exchanger of peace, an encourager of hope.

A lover of green ferns.

A celebrator of the faithfulness of the rising sun and moon.

a little writing warm up

Not only as precursor to a writing event in my near future (albeit it is still a toss up between notes to friends, astrology bible study post (with a personal deadline of publishing to the 4 dedicated readers of that email distro) or (hopefully) a little fiction). Hashtag how many parathesis can one use in a two sentence paragraph. Hashtag Hi Delene. (Hashtag Editor.)

This post is also a refreshed commitment of sorts.

I am down in my study packed with necessities with a plan to be here for 4 maybe 5 hours. First thing on my mind to share is a deep thought scribble on the back of a check somebody wrote me for Jan and Feb yoga classes.

It goes like this:

  • If you believe somebody “likes to” “drive you crazy. Then, in theory, the best approach would be one aimed to manage the body’s reactions to triggers, use breath and grounding stances / practices ahead, during and after engaging with said somebody. Thus eliminating the variable of “crazy” from the equation. If you can’t be driven crazy, they can’t have the satisfaction of driving you such.
  • If you believe somebody “likes to” then the opposite must be true: You like to do things as well. What do you like to do? Do you get any satisfaction from establishing any kind of positioning with others? Do you roll your eyes at people? Do you get annoyed when they don’t do what you want them to do? Do you cut people off when they are speaking? Dismiss or counter their opinion immediately without listening? Do you walk away from hard conversations? Easy ones? Do you offer opinions unsolicited? Do you ever forget that the person you are dealing with has a life behind both of your eyes where they are allowed their selfs, their whole life, without the judgement or validation of you?
  • If any of those things are true in even one slight degree of truth, you probably drive somebody crazy. The question is: do you like it? If so – health check your ego. Fit check? I think is what the teens are saying.
  • Lastly, in theory, if you believe somebody likes to drive you crazy, then it must be true that you allow others to drive your experience. Though to some degree, this is unavoidable in life; in many degrees it is possible to self advocate, set boundaries and contain agency.

Here is what else is going on:

There is a Director job posted for a communications type role in my *home town* home town. I would be lying if I told you I didn’t think twice about it. I did. And a third time to boot (in which I was wearing a navy blue blazer with my hair pulled back, making excuses for my nails and admiring my new glasses). I sure do love parentheses lately. Anyway, from a mentality standpoint, I am paying attention to whether or not I rage against the whole of the corporate machine (I am the CEO, I really can’t work anywhere) or if I could get into a flow leading a part of something; like Public Engagement for City Hall. So that is interesting to observe.

I recorded a class today that will go live on Sunday… Valentines. It is virtual only and goes live at 7p central (aka Chicago’s time zone) on Sunday. I wrote it so that it could be done in bed if one so desired. And I love it. Legitimately love it. Key word: patience. If any body is interested that reads this (thank you, by the way) use the contact form and give me the email address and first / last name you want to use and comment “valentines restorative class” and I’ll register you for class. The link you get will be good for 24 hours and – for first timers, it’s on me (and the studio) as we would love to have you.

That is pretty much it. Warm up complete. Time to build intensity…. :) erin