I woke up this morning feeling the weight of “earth problems”. Not “the earth’s problems”, but “earth problems”. The kinds of things you think about that are straight up from people, from work, from being American and wanting stuff. Earth stuff.
And as I started to think about how I was going to communicate the feeling on my chest regarding one part of my life. And as I texted my sister for perspective on another part of my life. And as I got out of bed and chose coffee over overdue yoga. I found myself in a heightened experience of being human. The anxiety, the decisions, the planning and for as much as I wanted to hold (I shouldn’t put that in the past tense, I’m still not over it…) but for as much as I want to hold on to these things so I can “figure them out” and make my rules and set my course, I realize I really really really really really like feeling supernatural better than feeling human.
So – how is this even a thing?
I am in a place at the moment where I have to find my way back to my heaven zone. The zone where there is a lot of grace offered to myself and to others. I am thinking about how I am feeling protective and realizing this a call for more love. “MORE LOVE??” is my knee jerk reaction: “But I’m LOVING SO MUCH!” Yes, Erin, love is exhausting. Hang in there. And my feelings of apathy are indicative of a need for more self control. Yes.. I love cookies and sleeping more than kale and yoga lately.
I think the most important paths in life are the ones we newly carve out from the place we woke up in back to the place of balance and healthy spiritual living. It proves what we established with God our creator is versatile. It’s less about being broken and lost for me, honestly. It’s about being aware and committed.
I can already feel my heart lightening as I pray while I write. There is this part of God I am tapping into today who is fierce and protective, lovingly maternal and stands their ground. (If you’re into playing with God energy in yoga culture, this aspect of God for me reads a lot like the Hindu goddess and the kundalini energy presented in Durga. If you’re not into the goddess thing, you can reach this same energy by meditation or bringing for imagery of the newly created surf and waves in the Creation story or the courage of Esther.) This part of God that I am calling into my chest and my living chases after what God wants. Lets go of what feels mine simply because of human inclination.
I guess I am sharing this all as some bonding motivation. Sharing the idea that we can take what it is we are feeling and transform that into spiritual energy. It’s fine being human; a gift really. For me though, I like the kind of human living that isn’t so caught up, tied up and extreme. I like the kind of human living that’s free and full of grace: joy and love. Peace and all that good stuff. Ahhhh … yes and self control. Cookies. sigh. But we move on, don’t we?
Alright – it’s a busy day! Time to get the suit jacket and the kiddos out of their respective places. SO much love. :)